Stepping into the time machine

I chanced upon a conversation today. An accidental one, because it wasn't supposed to be a conversation at all, but merely a retelling. Which is why I wasn't prepared.

Anyways, so the question was - "If you had the chance to relive one day/moment from your life once again, which one would it be?"

Now of course, there is no right or wrong answers to this, specially if one has to answer on the fly. And as it turns out, I am not particularly fond of the impromptu answer. Anyways, that particular issue is not up for discussion right now. What I want to decide first, for myself, is the right answer to this question, for me.

The more I think about it, the more I realize that every moment in the past had its own ... joys and troubles. As an individual, the most troublefree one ever is, is their childhood (for most of us). The troubles of childhood are simpler, the consequences of the choices made are immediate and most often not really sticking. And yet, the joys are more vibrant, almost reverberating. The best of the situations really. But then I think of my parents at the same time. Of course, they must have had the trials and tribulations of being parents of young children, of earning money, of keeping a happy, healthy and safe home, of being responsible on a daily basis... so on and so forth. When I thought about this, I hesitated for a second - would I want them to go through those troubles again? But then, immediately it dawned on me that even they would trade a day now for a day then in a heartbeat. They had their youth and their kids lived still with them. Of course, that is the time they would want to relive too.

But by that logic, I should want to time travel at all. So I go back to the question, I have to decide on a time I would like to go back to for a day, and for me. I would like to think more, fantasize more, relive more.

---

Anyways, so this train of thoughts led me to another one. Namely, the troubles we all like to discuss when we get together with friends. The quintessential question at any coffee/lunch/dinner/club/date is always - "So what's up with life nowadays?" And the answer is always a recounting or summary of how busy one is, how much their kids are troubling them, how demanding their job is, how the house is a mess... And the funny thing is that all of us believe this to be the truth. But I think it is not. We often talk about how we should be happy and thankful and full of gratitude since these are our golden days. And we think we are not happy but I really think we are mistaken. We are all incredibly happy. And we know it, at least deep down. It is just that we are scared to admit that we are happy. Because the moment you admit it, it becomes concrete, describable, real. And that kind of puts a boundary to it and makes it defined, less than unlimited. 

Also, there is the notion that in order to be truly happy one has to be both ignorant and selfish. So obviously we are reluctant.

Is that why no one confesses?

Who in the world is courageous enough to admit that they are truly unconditionally happy?

Neither cappuccino nor latte

The littlest things sometimes bring the most joy. Sometimes it is a combination of such little things.

A while ago i got apparatus that makes cube in quirky shapes.. namely hexagons, whales and ships. Some time later I also got an assortment of beautiful steel straws. 

And then we got hit by a heatwave. 

So what do I get...... A new habit of constantly chugging iced back coffee. I absolutely love it. It is like my little companion throughout the day.

.......

Other perks of Summers: Our Madhumalti is in full bloom and the Bougainville. We have been consuming mangoes by truckloads. And I have a custard apple growing just outside my bedroom window. 

.......

Also I think this is the first blogpost I am typing out on my phone. Not such a big fan of composing on phones. I guess I am an old person.

.......

Randomly random

I don't usually remember my dreams. But today I am able to recall bits and pieces of it. 

I was in a house that resembled the one I grew up in. When I woke up (in the dream), I went to some kind of school. Somehow I was able to smear blue ink on my forehead. I vividly remember trying to wipe it off. Couldn't. 

Then it was art class and I saw that I had forgotten to get my stuff to school. We needed brushes and paint and I had neither. I decided to use the blue ink that was already there on my forehead. For brush, I tried borrowing one from the fellow classmates(faceless as far as I can tell) but they didnt share :( 

I decide to explore the artroom to see if there are spare ones lying somewhere. And then luckily I encounter an old classmate(with face) with a bunch of new brushes. I get the smallest one because there is very little ink left on the forehead and go back happily.

Lol, have fun with this one Freud.

Just like meeting old friends

On our last trip we spent a few days among people who are far removed from the modern world. No internet, not even a cell signal. And what I saw was so refreshing. Kids playing outside(in freezing cold btw), women working relentlessly while laughing and singing. Men building houses and working on the farms while smoking pipe. Everybody joined in for a game of cards in the evening, the kids were playing impromptu cricket (yes, cricket, even up there). They even included the local deity in the game (the temple door was the wicket lol). Every house looked out to the valley, so that when the clouds started wafting in, everyone knew it was about to rain. 

There was so much beauty, all around, excess of it. And the people were not bothered at all. Blissfully unaware. Although I understand the concept of object permanence, but it is so difficult for me to imagine that all that beauty, the joy, and carefreeness, the sounds and smells, the small maggi shack near the waterfall... they are all still there. Sheru - the shaggy dog who followed us throughout the trek is probably following someone else. We were just another blip in their lives, even when they have left an indelible mark on ours. 

Will it be the same if I ever went back there? Probably not. 

I need better coping mechanisms

You know how sudden changes in elevation messes our systems. So we are advised to keep taking breaks during any mountain trips. As we recently discovered, unfortunately through a first hand experience, the same thing is true with hot springs too. Take it slow while getting in the water, AND while getting out of it. Like, get out one foot (12 inches) of your body at a time and give it like 5 minutes per iteration. Anyways, I digress.. 

So what i was planning to talk about is that a sudden exodus of people does something weird to the atmosphere. Suddenly 50% of the family members are travelling and I have already lost my mind. There is soooooo much to do. So much packing and planning. But have I started yet - No. Am I about to start it - also No. 

But what I have started is a new giant project that I absolutely cannot afford to complete before we leave. A project that I started at 11 yesterday.  

So, our drawing room is without a lamp and the living room is my temporary studio. And I have 3 very different ideas that I equally love. Hence, a standstill. Sorry.

Early bird gets the worm

They say our music choices are set by our 20's and thereafter doesn't really change much...certainly true in my case. 

And not just the music, I even miss the band names. Compared to the tame (and PC) sounding names of today, I miss the colorful whimsical names that were.. Toad the wet sprocket, Death Cab for the cutie, Panic! at the Disco.. whew

-----

I realized I do not have any lasting solid habits. I am not an early riser, not a person who does chores as soon as they come up (I wait for them to ripen lol..), not a person who is really principled about what or how often she eats, I am totally cool with staying up late to finish a book or series... you get the idea. Am I still redeemable.. Is this something that needs to be addressed?

Books are the secret of my crazy

I love the vibe of libraries. Also, libraries invite the best kind of people. 

Also, I am happy to report that today I finished an entire book in one sitting.

=)

----

We are trying to (supposed to) be training for the upcoming trek. But, so many things are happening all at once. I hope it goes well. 

I am super excited nonetheless. 

Fingers crossed.

----

The kids are getting better at tricking us. Dont know whether I should be relieved or worried.