Of coffee and meetups

Just like with food, maybe human beings have a not null but finite requirement for social engagements. And just like with food, social activities also come in multiple flavors. Some folks arent so picky, they make do with whatever they've got, wherever they can get it from. Others, who have grown used to abundance of social opportunities, have developed peculiar, refined tastes. And just like food, there can be too much of a good thing. Like the dessert you just dont want to have because you've had your fill with the main course. 

Lol.. am I hungry right now?

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Yesterday, the solutions for wordle and plusword were same - cloud. Now what are the odds for that? 

Bragging Rights Reserved

I was trying to find an image of a wisteria archway on the internet. You know, as a reference for painting something. And I found myself falling down the rabbithole of internet... the happy and glorious kind - people on reddit showing off flowers and their gardens. It is so cute and pure when a person talks excitedly about their hobbies to kind but random strangers. In my opinion, having shared interests bonds people faster than common enemies.

T has been dabbling in growing plants for some time now. His tomatoes have a teeny tiny bud and he is so happy about them.

Slipping memories

When V was younger, I used to drop him at stairs of the pre-school every morning. And every morning, without fail, he used to give me 30 hugs, rights on the stairs. He wasn't even 3 yet, but he would gladly count 30 hugs before going to school. :) For me, it was one of the highlights of the day.

When he was 3, T used to call Amazon as daana-avutta, which was a mispronunciation of "download the voot app". He must have heard that from a television advt.

The way these words have entered our family's vocab and made their homes here: gaana-song, waain, yay, n***gu pants, mittar, doodhu...

The phase when V refused to get any pics clicked and deliberately made a frown face in ALL of them.

.........................

I am really thankful to the person/team at Google Photos who thought of flashing old curated pics to their users. Thank you :)

Also, to the team working on blogspot. Please dont kill this.. ever. I already hate you a bit for google podcasts. 

Bamboo

Our balcony overlooks a small thicket of bamboo. Bamboo leaves tend to make a very distinct rustling sound. You can hear the thin dry-wiry-papery texture of the leaves as they move abound in the slightest of breezes. Each one of them twists around and swings in a distinct rhythm as if performing its own dance. There is no choreography and yet, they paint a pretty picture. I kind of understand why so many painters have been mesmerized by them.

One of  my very early memories is lying down in a cool thick bamboo grove on a very hot summer day back when summer vacations literally meant detox from all things urban. There used to be a very large and thick bamboo grove behind my grandmother's house. At a little distance of course. The bamboo trees were very high, at least 3-4 stories and so thick that even at the very heights of  infamous north-Indian summer, the grove remained cool. I remember the ladies of the house retiring to the grove for the afternoon, chatting and gossiping. Simple pleasures of a simple life!

Of drums and stings

T had his first stage performance yesterday! Opening song :D I was so proud.

The experience of watching good live performances in person, is one of the few joys which I cant fathom getting marred by any advent in technology. In yesterday's lineup, there was a kathak recital, a group of senior dancers. They were all very talented of course and were dancing very elegantly, energetically and in perfect symphony with the rhythm. But one of them was particularly mesmerizing. it was evident that she was enjoying herself tremendously. It was as if her movements were surprising and delighting her too. The audience were captivated! 

I believe our ancestors understood what they now call Stendthal syndrome better than we do now. There is a reason we associate arts with Gods and Goddesses. 

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Last week I was bitten on my arm by a wasp or a hornet, or some other equally horrendous insect. I dont know for sure because by the time I felt the sting, the culprit was gone! We were in a particularly overgrown and thick part of the hill at the time, so looking around wasn't an option. I know its not a bee because I have been bitten by bees before and bee sting is not this painful.

So anyway, the sting was particularly nasty and has tormented me for over a week now. I looked up on the internet to try an find ways to soothe the pain and something very interesting came up. The vast majority of the pics of the hornet/wasp sting were similar.. on their upper arms! Same as my case. Why though? Do these insects confuse human arms with some natural predator and attack? What? I demand research.

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Apparently, this is also the snake season in this part of the world. Last week, two baby cobras were spotted in our community!! 

Travelling through time

I try to familiarize my kids with my childhood book collection every chance I get. T is taking nicely to them, V still has to warm up to my favorites. It is a pleasure to see the books being enjoyed by another generation. It is not easy though. Going through them again made me realize that like most other things in life, most children's literature has become ... simple and straightforward (dim-wit friendly). There is hardly any compulsion for the reader to think. There is a very overt attempt to shield the kids from any negative emotion, turning every plot into a bland dinner, a 2-dimensional mural. 

On another note, just like NatGeo, RD also concluded its publishing. Fall of another giant. Well, a has-been really. RD stopped being great in the early 2000's in my opinion. But still, there were so many memories. The 80's and 90's were golden periods for a lot of artistic endeavors that produced content that could be consumed by the everyday man constructively. 

I got out my old Walter Foster book recently. I have decided to finish a canvas, that had been left unfinished for at least 20 years. Though I haven't actually started working on it again, the process of going through the book took me back a couple of decades ago. So time travel is real. 

I would have answered Aalupur !

The kids love spending time with their grandparents. Understandably so.. :D

So the other day, N and V were playing some sort of atlas game when the following conversation took place:

N: OK, beta tell me the name of a place in India that shares its name with that of a vegetable.

V: (thinks hard for a while then answers with a grin) Tomatopradesh !

What

After a long long period, I have gone back to painting. Not very well, I must add. I've managed to claim a corner of the house all to myself and littered it with oils and colors and brushes.. (I've decided that the family needs to embrace my chaotic side you see.)

So anyhow, I am not very regular with the actual painting part :D..  The one that I am working on right now is a kind of take on Van Gogh's almond blossoms. I absolutely love his eye for color.. (I think Van Gogh is to visual art is gulzar to poetry. Effortlessly flowing and pulling you in with it in a way that you are happy.. almost thankful to drown.)

Yeah so, as I was saying I am not very regular with painting.. So what's happening is I paint a part of the canopy each time I pick up the brush.. And as a result, different parts of the tree (poor tree) are being painted in different styles !!

:D

This and that near the end of the year

Now that I am not constantly in a state of frenzy anymore, I can notice the ants around me in more detail. It is certainly an improvement, but I haven't been able to (and maybe never shall again) attain the levels I could until about 15-20 years ago. But still, it's like I am able to touch stuff (and thus see them) with a thin glove on. 

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If you follow a particular series of puzzles (such as crossword from a particular newspaper) for long enough, you sort of start to know the person behind those puzzles. Like you get to know them, the way their brain works, what they like and dislike... So as time goes on, their clues become easier for you to solve, you get the hints straight away. Somedays, you get the hidden teeny-weeny jokes in the puzzle that would elude the lesser acquainted puzzle solvers, and it feels like an inside joke being shared. 

I wonder if the puzzle designers are aware of this. 

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We've finally shifted to the new place :). The interior work took forever, but its totally worth it. 

Of word roots and "Oh! Shoot"s

 A while ago, the word 'plumber' somehow sprang to my mind. Like, I guess 'plumbers' are called plumbers because water pipes must have been made of lead in olden times. Had it been made of iron, chances are the profession might have been called 'Ferring' and the fellows in charge of taps and pipes - 'Ferrors'.  

And so it happens that 'plumbers' are giving us a lot of grief these days. Works in the new place are about to be finished.. almost done but for the plumbing!! One disaster after another.. gah!! 

By the way, I also dig the starry roots of the word 'disaster'. Quite poetic. 

Holidays

The kids have their puja holidays going on. 

We went garba the other day(night!) with friends. After 14-15 years probably. It was so much fun. The DJ here seemed to have a faint idea of what garba songs are like, or maybe they were very metropolitan. So in addition to 2 Gujarati and 1 marathi song, we were forced to dance on hindi, punjabi and even telugu songs. It was fun. Maybe we have gotten old !

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T has been obsessed with growing stuff lately. He keeps nicking mustard and pea seeds from the pantry. Germinates them, plants them, waters them for some days, nearly smothering the saplings with care !! 

His blue pea vines have started flowering now. Not a lot, a couple flowers every now and then. But the joy that he gets out of them, he shares with everyone. He has learned to make blue pea tea and insists on making tea with all his flowers. Its so lovely. :)

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Accelerator

 The high degree of constant connectedness that we need to live with today, on a macro level, it behaves as an accelerator for everything - world events, social trends, uprisings, changing public sentiment... 

In its absence, maybe the world would have come to a similar state, but later. Because everything comes and goes so fast, it fails to make a lasting impression. Or maybe its my fading powers to imbibe the surroundings. But think truthfully, which image is stronger and clearer- (a) 80's fashion? (b) 2000's fashion?

To me, its 80's. Even though I didn't get to experience it firsthand. (To be fair I was not fashionable in the 2000's either 😅)

Sepia toned noodles

 This evening was the perfect sepia-toned evening. The kind of lighting that is only possible when the sun is at a certain angle, there are the right kind of clouds in front of the sun and the right kind above the sun level, with just enough humidity in the air. What makes it even more beautiful is that this perfect evening is fleeting. The magic lasts just for about 10 minutes, after which it kind of loses it. 

So anyway, today I decided to make the most of such a beautiful evening. Hence, I cooked my favorite spicy noodles and had a party just by myself. 

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I have decided to use the laptop more often with the hopes of becoming more productive. Maybe it will work.

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I have been reading 'The Help" these days. It is the kind of book that can turn out to be thought-provoking if you want it to be. Otherwise, one can easily finish it like any other piece of fiction.

The recent reads that I absolutely loved were - Before the coffee gets cold, and The Forest of Enchantments. I accidently read -before the coffee.. series while also watching the Makanai on Netflix. I swear my thoughts calmed down during those 10 days. I was more aware of my surroundings and in control of my thoughts. But then, just like my perfect sepia toned evening, the magic ended and I turned into this silent noise filled person that I normally am.

The Forest of Enchantments is good. It made me hate the characters less. I almost felt sorry for them. Not gonna write anymore about it for obvious reasons. I have mostly loved Chirta Bannerjee Divakaruni's works. Her Palace of Illusions is my absolute all-time comfort read. Each page is a masterpiece. Each chapter speaks to you. I cannot recommend it enough. 

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Stumped

When it comes to identifying flora, I am usually better than my unfortunately flora-deprived husband. So naturally I have grown into a closeted bragger. My kids actually think I know all plants and trees (lol).

However, I had to concede defeat recently. So there was this beautiful vine, with fruits the size of apples. The fruits looked like overgrown tinda :p which is also why i didnt click their pictures. But the flowers, oh the flowers were beautiful. 

I am still not sure which plant it is. 
 

A lament

I am mourning the death of the internet. 

Dont get me wrong, internet is alive. In fact, it has become a monstrous slimy creature that feeds off negativity that spews more and more of it.

I am lamenting the death of the purer version of the net. For us, who discovered the internet in early 2000's, the internet was a place of wonder. Like a giant library, built by kind and interesting people- people who were curious about music, books, crafts, math... could find their own tribe and be happy there. Just the fact that we could actually lookup the lyrics of any song we wanted was so amazing. I could actually go to the website of national geographic and it would give me wonderful old articles just because they could, no questions asked, no annoying ads, no hidden agenda.

Then there came the orkuts and the facebooks..Still not so bad. Because with it came gems like pandora, stumbleupon, tumbler, craftgawker, foodgawker and ye ol' blogspot. People on pinterest were still normal everyday folks who just wanted to share amazing stuff they found. There was still hope.

Not anymore. All of the above are either dead or have been reduced to ridiculous drug-addicted shadows of their former selves. Today, even if I find an article that seems good, I am 100% sure there is a hidden agenda behind it. Evil people trying to sell their evil ideas. Damn it, I have turned into a pessimistic skeptic. :(

Oxymorons

I have come to a realization that there is no such thing as "enough golgappas". Its an oxymoron. People are either forced to stop eating more because they are embarrassed to ask for more after gulping down some dozens or they run out of golgappas. There is no other way. 

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Some variables can create confusion by super-imposing on each other. There is no way you can distinguish between them because all of you (i.e. the variables and your point of view) exist in the same dimension. The only solution is to go up or down to be able to distinguish between them, i.e. to shift your point of view to another dimension.

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Love the word "oxymoron". 

Aalu is grounded

 V (after finding out that they are about to get aalu parantha for breakfast tomorrow): "Why aalu? I hate aalu. No more aalu parantha, no more aalu ka sabzi. Aalu is grounded!"

On trees and traffic

 “I like trees because they seem more resigned to the way they have to live than other things do. I feel as if this tree knows everything I ever think of when I sit here. When I come back to it, I never have to remind it of anything; I begin just where I left off.”

― Willa Cather, O Pioneers!

Such a relatable quote. I knew how it will end before it did. I know exactly what Willa feels (at least the Willa of my imagination) - a deep gratitude for trees which grow to earn ones friendship, just by being there, lending an ear to ones thoughts, listening without interrupting, having an unmatched memory. 

On the risk of sounding silly, I firmly believe trees have feelings, and that they grow to like some people more than others. They have inter-species friends. I had an asoka tree outside my room when in school. It bloomed the year I had to write the boards, just before they started. I know it wished me good luck. I still miss it.

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Our new terrace is green and apparently very popular with the birds. I am yet to identify what they are called, but they are the prettiest.. Will post pictures soon.

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I positively hate the commute to work now. The office is situated in the old part of the city, making it necessary to navigate narrow and crowded roads. Nothing about the whole situation is sustainable.

Everything

We have moved!

Transition, the process of relocation, specially with children is ....lets just say interesting, and tumultuous and full of unexpected turns.

It is interesting to see that I still go through the same apprehensions when faced with the prospect of adjusting to new surroundings. More now than before since I believe in doing all the worrying for my husband and kids too. :p

All being said, it has been nice. The place is pleasant, people are good natured(so they seem) and the weather is definitely better. We do miss some of the old things of course... But I hope this change will be good. 

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This change been taken care of, I have another to look forward to. I just need enough courage and luck... definitely luck. touchwood

Oh well !

Its not the easiest of times to write down whats going on. I am not even going to attempt doing that. Lets just say, I am getting a lot of opportunity for personal growth. 

So we are sticking to the surface for now :/

Start my days with a cup of coffee and wordle. Its a ritual now and I really look forward to it. 

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I need to get better with names and faces.

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Every now and then, the kids do or say something that reminds me that they are growing up. and fast!

I want to grasp these years, make every memory etch in my mind forever... 

Human Standards

Its the time of the year. You know that time when everyone is relaxed. Whatever goals and targets they had - either already been achieved, or fully accepted as unachievable. 

So anyway, K and the kids went to the zoo the other day. it was a beautiful sunny winter day, with a clear sky. A rarity, i know. Apparently they had lots of fun [without me :( . Since I was at work. This is another crisis I am having, but more on that later. Perhaps...]

They saw the lion - in a huge enclosure - all by itself. So at a meta level, by human standards, the lion is... you know.. lucky. it has good health, lives a sprawling property, in the most expensive part of New Delhi !!!! A human with all these things will be invite envy from all. And yet, the lion is sad, and us humans have no problem identifying its situation as not optimal. I mean, even the kids understood that the lion would have been happier with its family in a jungle where it belongs. 

If it is a simple concept, they why do we struggle to understand the same in context of human beings - that living beings are at their happiest when they are in company of their own people, in surroundings that they belong to. By Human Standards, it is really acceptable that people try and find happiness in alien places, among people which are considered to be high class. And they still miserable.  and then they wonder why.. There are books after books trying to solve this "mystery". 

It seems that our standards for ourselves are the lowest. 

To reason and reasoning

I usually write a lot. But for work. That's what I do mostly. Write. Pages and pages of absolute garbage. Which is also why I couldnt bring myself to write here with any honesty at all. Feels wrong to write anymore.

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Most of the times, I write first and then put a title when I am done. Sometimes though, like today, I put down the title first and just hope that whatever I write will have some semblance to the titular topic. 

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sigh

 List of books I have not finished:

- Antifragile

- Mythos

- (Dilbert) way of the weasel 

To be fair, the last one is my sometime book. I just pick it up now and then and open a random page. It doesnt really matter. Its a good book.

I am sad about not finishing mythos (because lazy) and ashamed for antifragile (because I need to be smarter)

I am certain I had more brain cells earlier. Damn!

Its November already

I am not calm right now. By "calm" I mean in a larger sense, the kind that makes you move/act/speak when you want to & only if you want to; and by "right now" I mean a while.

Should I get used to this? Is this the new normal for me? Its not sustainable. 

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People, in general, are adept at ignoring. Specially when it comes to uncomfortable truths/ facts. Case in point - during our recent trip, we decided to visit the infamous cellular jail. It is an impressive piece of architecture where unspeakable atrocities have taken place. The place has had to witness humans at their worst. But today, if one manages to mentally isolate the history from the present and look at the tall walls, listen to the powerful waves with backing vocals by the birds, the place seems beautiful. It is only when one focuses on the history of the place, the sights it must have seen, the cries it must have heard, the blood that must have washed off the floors, that you know that what you mistook for tranquil was, in fact, eerie - the kind that gives you goosebumps.

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Diwali is here. Last year, we couldnt really celebrate because of obvious reasons. Thank you Bhagwanji for letting us recuperate without much hassle. It is a depressing thought, but getting infected during first wave was safer than in second wave. At least, we were assured that if required, we would get help easily. 

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Towards the beginning of this year, I had plans to write more, I mean here. This plan didnt really materialize obviously. But why? I had things to write and then didnt. laziness? memory loss?

Feathered Watch

Since I have a bit of time in my hands these days, I have the luxury of having my morning coffee out in the balcony, looking at the beautiful scenery, being a spectator to the daily (and fabulous) show that nature puts up. 

So today, I made a mental list of the different kinds of birds that I was able to spot. There were more than 10 kinds. 

:)

For going back

I went to my native place after a long long time. Decades actually. 

Everything was different and somehow still the same.

It was like an alignment session for me. Like a correction in perspective, how we live vs. how we are supposed to live. 

Going back to the roots does that to you I guess. Or maybe it was because of the freedom you get to live life at a slower pace, fully record the parts of the universe that exist around you.

here and there

Last night, T said - "Time passes so quickly. The day just went swooshing by." 

He is right of course. Not just days, weeks, months, years, decades have swooshed by, so to say.

And we are lucky to have experienced this. Because, it only feels so when everything is ok. When there are no disruptions that leave mark on our timelines, like blots or splotches. 

I am grateful to God for letting us have clean and pretty timelines. 

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Last week, after a long long time, we went out. The things we take for granted !! 

Visited Crossword. I am emotionally attached to the chain. A very long time ago, there used to be a crossword store at Mithakali 6 rasta in Ahmedabad. maybe its still there. At least, in mind it is. So after our board exams, there was ample time to read, browse through and just be there in the store. I used to go there with little M (he was little back then.. lol). We used to save our pocket money for books, I used to have coffee (he was too young for coffee) and he had sandwiches. Decades ago, but the memories are so fresh. See, time does fly.

So, I do love the fact that our children love books just like we did. I am hugely grateful for the fact that books stores still exist. I understand how financially unviable it would be to operate a brick-and-mortar store for commodities like books. I can only hope that bookstores continue to operate. I am ready to divert my tax money towards them. They should be re-classified as essential services. yes. I would vote for that. promise.

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Started a new project. very low cost in terms of time involvement. Will let you know how it is going. 

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So many meetings.. Oh God! So many!!

Dusty ke kaarname

 I hate dust. And dust reciprocates... by hating me with equal passion in return :(

The barren lands of Gurgaon are partial in favor of my enemy. So every summer, they put up this big show with full pomp. Dust storms galore. Our apartment being in the foothills of the Aravalis, the storms can be spotted from far away, their arrival being announced about 10 minutes prior. aargh... I hate dust. 

But wait, there is more. As if the dust storms werent enough, the place also offers variety in the dusty experience. So sometimes, for a change, the dust just decides to be lazy, and not go anywhere. It doesnt even settle. Because settling is for losers, so why settle right? It hangs around, covering everything in a sepia toned ambience. Romantic, but not really. 

:I

"Yeh aam rasta nahi hai"

last week, we finally took a vacation. Not a vacation really, but a small get-away of sorts. To a tree house. It was fun.

And then, we went back to where it all started !!! For a tour to good old college !

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Nothing is simple. No decision. aaaaaa. adulting is hard !

This time I am talking about the question to when (and where)... I am losing hair over this.

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"A calm and modest life brings more happiness than the pursuit of success combined with constant restlessness".

Albert Einstein said this. So it must be true.

Spontaneous brain gems

My brain, it seems, has taken up the responsibility to keep me grounded. So whenever, it catches me feeling particularly smug about things, it slips some gems (genuine) into conversation so that people know who(and what) they are dealing with. 

Hence, during a meeting today ...

"We should not let this judge our cloudment."

:|

To New Years and counting blessings

First of all I wish everyone a happy and prosperous new year. may all of us and our loved ones be safe, have enough and have love in our lives.

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As far as new year parties go, this was a unique one. In the sense that it was just the four of us. And we had a blast. Everyone chipped in, the kids did what they could. Most importantly, all of us had fun. May God keep his blessing on us. Touchwood.

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A conversation a few nights ago while I was watching a cooking show:

T : (Referring to the woman in the video) She is so pretty but why she doesn't speak at all ?(it was an ASMR kind of cooking video. I find them calming and relaxing).

Me : Yes, she is a pretty woman.

V : Nanny Plum is also a woman. (Nanny Plum is a character in this show they watch Ben and Holly. I think she is a fairy)

Me : Yeah, there are different kinds of women. Like me.

V : You are a woman? What? Really?

So being the only woman in a household of boys can be a unique experience - sometimes demanding and often annoying, but always endearing. 

TIL

Back in year 2000, a children's show used to be aired on Sony(as far as I can remember) called Heidi. It was an animated series based on the namesake book.

I was quite grown up by then, in my mid teens and I was IN LOVE with the series. Everything about the show was awesome. I strongly feel that it provided me with a sense of calm in my otherwise stressful years of 11th and 12th, the acad rigor and then the earth quake aftermath. 

I loved the slow European rural mountain life depicted in the show - the cattle rearing, cheese making, curd churning life. 

So today I learned two things:

> This genre is referred to as "Cottagecore".

> The opening sequence of the show was done by none other than Miyazaki !!

And thats why Arietty reminded me of Heidi :)

So far

 So a week ago, K and I got tested and  were found COVID positive.

Horrible, I know. But by the grace of God, we are doing fine now. The fever has gone along with the body  ache.

All the symptoms that they talk about on the internet are there - the fever, body ache, lethargy, pain behind eyes, loss of taste and smell.. But there are more weird ones. A strange taste in the mouth all the time, the throat feels choked and a very dry nasal passage.

Loss of taste and smell makes cooking very difficult. But then neither of us can actually taste anything, so its fine.. lol

I am just angry at everything thats going on. Please bhagwanji.. Make things right. We need the world to go back to normalcy. 

Huh

 I am so hungry right now.

And a bit angry, at myself. For not packing enough food. Damn it.

I still have loads of work to be finished before I can go home.

Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa

Poets also love butterflies

Who doesnt love butterflies?

 

They are dainty, fluttery, ethereal and just overall pretty. It is difficult to remain sad in the company of butterflies. I guess.

 

So for the last few days, while driving to work I have observed just thousands of butterflies flying east. 

Yup, they are flying in herds from west to east. I had never read/heard about butterfly migration, let alone witness it. Its so beautiful. And easy to miss if one doesnt know what to look at.

 

A little digging around and I found the name of these pretty things - pieris brassicae.

 

Never too late to learn something new :)

 

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Poets are almost always wrong about facts. That's because they are not really interested in facts: only in truth: which is why the truth they speak is so true that even those who hate poets by simple and natural instinct are exalted and terrified by it.

~ William Faulkner ~

The county of thorny babools

 As with everyone, as a family we are yearning to go out and have fun. Most places however, are teeming with other people who are (most probably) experiencing similar yearning (!). Most places, except for our trusted bio-diversity park. Thank God for other people's stupid choices.

The park has taken a new avatar this year. Specially at this time of the year, it is trying to grow into a full fledged jungle it seems. 

These walks bring the much needed respite from everyday routine. A chance to breathe in fresh air, listening to hidden birds and insects, spotting colorful(and dangerous) spiders, running, jumping and just being us. 

daal daal aur paat paat

So recently I learned that the word "daal" does not technically mean pulses. 

Daal literally means any grain/seed that has been through the process of "dararna". I can put it better in hindi - jise dala gaya ho, use daal kehte hain. So while tuwar, moong, masoor are the pulses, tuwar ki daal stands for split tuwar. So, sarso ki daal is a thing! And sabut moong is not a daal at all !

I love words.

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Also my new food love is chunky peanut butter sandwiches with fired chillies. Truely addictive.

For dealing with the devil

We have sold our souls for money. We are not stupid, perhaps. K and I both have taken up new assignments requiring higher time commitments. It is making us happy, i guess. tired all time time, but happy. Isnt it?

We talk everyday about how little time we have left for each other during weekdays. And weekends are spent cleaning and restoring the house (upto a certain degree), huge loads of laundry, preparing stockable snacks (have become a pro at this lol, even managed doughnuts!!), sorting innumerable books and toys lying everywhere, grocery shopping, cleaning the veggies ... the list literally never ends.

I miss the days when lives were simpler. And yet, somehow I cherish these times when we are doing so much. It is an amazing feat. Now easy to let go of any me-time. 

Kids have adjusted well in this regimen. So far they have invented new games and rearranged all furniture in the house so that it resembles a jungle gym. They keep bouncing all the time. Our couch has nearly given up. There is an unspoken consensus in the household that furniture and wall fixtures are going to be collateral damage to this situation.

V has started reading. Yay! Meanwhile, T has been eyeing my Harry Potters and I dont know. Isnt he too young to be exposed to that? 

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It has been raining. Finally. There has been a situation with the roads here. But nothing too unmanageable. 

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I wish there was more positivity. And people were more hardworking, less lazy. More open and less regressive. 

The joy of painting

Ever since I have stopped watching stuff from streaming platforms, I have had some time to pursue things that actually make me happy. And by things that make me happy I mean learning watercolors.

Long ago, I did dabble a bit in water colors. But then ever since I took up oil/acrylic, watercolors were forgotten. Can you blame me? Oils are easy, and forgiving. When Bob Ross said, "there are no mistakes, only happy accidents", he was painting in oils. :) lol. I love the guy.

And now, I am learning again. Feels good. Really.
So a couple weeks ago I made this

Was really pleased with this.

There are some brushes I want to buy, but have been putting off going to the craft shop. I should.

Homegrown peaches

I have this song stuck in my head today - I am not a princess, this aint a fairy tale.. 

But its almost not true. Also fairy tales are mostly sad. Make us want to focus on the outcome rather than the journey. So also misleading. 

But I do love the song. Its catchy and old. Kind of like us lol.

Yesterday the boys found one of my old journals while rummaging around. It was from the third and fourth year of college (they understood nothing and found it rather boring of course). 

Quite frankly, the journal shocked me. First of all, it was meticulous. An entry for every day. I liked that part. But the contents, ohh.. made me cringe !! The "me back then" from my memories isnt so stupid. But it turns out that I was, we all were. I wish I could go back. I would spend some more time actually studying rather than roaming around. 

:)

So I told this to K yesterday. He has no regrets. But he still gets to study, keeps up with the tech. And I have lost touch. Sometimes, I forget I was trained to be an engineer. 

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I remember fragments of a conversation I had with a classmate (yes in MNIT). He was determined to prove that girls shouldnt come to engineering colleges because "they waste a seat". He argued that most of us were not going to be in the mainstream core jobs and so shouldnt bother taking admission in the college. He said a boy could have occupied the seat if I hadnt been there, and he could have had a career. 

I was furious of course. The guy was of course an a******. And wrong.

There werent many girls in our college (about 7%). And on an average, the girls have faired better. Not many are there in the core engineering fields, that much is true. Most of us moved on to other fields. But the engineering degree hasnt been wasted. Education is not about gaining information, no. That is rote learning. True education teaches "how to think". 

And that stays with you forever, and is useful in any field.

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Blue bus

The other day, I was reminiscing about old times, really old times when I was a little school girl of about 6 - 7. We used to take the school bus(thoughtfully provided by ONGC) to get to school. Now that I think about it, we were surprisingly independent even at that tender age. 

Our school was far, about 16 kms or so. Sometimes, in the evening, some of us sued to miss the bus and then had to get home by taking the municipal buses all by ourselves. I don't remember it being difficult. Cumbersome, yes.We saw it as an adventure. I distinctly remember the ber tree we crossed while getting to the bus stand. Some days we used to collect the leaves and small thorns to craft small plates out of the leaves. Just for fun. In those days, municipality bus conductors were kind to little school kids, and rarely ever charged us. 

Our own school bus conductor, was an old, kind and a little fat person. The school bus and the regulars had developed a separate ecosystem of sorts. We, the littlest kids, didnt count. There was an unwritten rule that we were supposed to occupy the first four rows only, the back rows were for the "bade bacche", who must have been 12-14 years of age at that time. Oh, but to us they seemed so big and old. We were careful not to step on their toes. Some older girls took us under their wing(so to say). Sounds dramatic, doesnt it. It was, trust me. They used to let us read their library books while on the bus. I remember some of the names, but none of the faces. 

I guess that is what happens. 

A little here and there

I need a vacation. 

And because it is impossible to take one now, I want it even more !!

So instead, I am trying to go to all those places in my head - I can almost feel the cool breeze and hear the loud silence at the valley once more, see that giant turquoise starfish (and the snake !!) again, walk across the ancient town full of temples, see my wish of rain come true instantaneously, eat those yummy dishes.... the list goes on.

But then, what is vacation? A break from the ordinary. 

It just so happens that the quality of vacation is not proportionate to money spent at all. Its the little things that linger with us, for years after, and maybe forever. The waves come and go, the shacks disappear, flowers wilt and ramshackle roads get lost.. But they stay undisturbed in our memories.

And memories are all that remain.  

I am actually proud of this

Side effects of eating lunch alone at the desk are sudden bursts of wisdom. One was the short story I wrote the other day. Today, I got this gem:

Ironman is Female

How?

Iron is Fe

man is male

Hence, Ironman is Female

QED

Short Story - Atmaa Nirbhar

So being an employee of you-know-who I have started going to work on alternate days. Being at work in these times is both irritating and hilarious. One of the funnier things is the long hair of all these guys. Poor them, I shouldn’t make fun of this but then there isn’t much else to make fun of. So here is a short story.

--

Billu barber was a poor guy. Born in poverty, he grew up poor and was happily comfortable within his poverty. At 17, he realized the lost opportunity of completing his education that he had foolishly traded for playing gully cricket with his other truant friends.

The pressure of earning his own bread loomed heavily on him and so he decided to become the neighborhood barber’s apprentice. Between fetching water for his boss, cleaning the floor and listening to his constant complaints over the dirty hair of his customers, Billu picked up the skills of the trade. So much so that by the time he turned 21 he had his own barber shop – a chair and a mirror under a tree. Nevertheless, he did well enough to feed himself and have the occasional bottle. Content in his existence, he grew up to the ripe old age of 35 when tragedy struck in the form of a truck accident.

Death came suddenly and rapidly. He didn’t have time enough to come to terms with his death. So as per the policies of the Great Upstairs, his soul or the aatma was doomed to roam around on the Earth till he grew comfortable with his sad demise. And Billu did just that. But instead of coming to terms with his state, he grew bored of just roaming around but he didn’t know what to do. There are not many ways for a bhatakti aatma to be useful.

However, just around that time, he noticed a sudden surge in the number of inhabitants in his middle world. These souls were also shocked, surprised and largely angry with their sudden deaths from some coronavirus thing(what was that anyways??). But the thing that irked Billu most was the state of hair these guys had. Such long hair which looked like they haven’t seen the insides of a barber shop for months. When asked, the souls mumbled something about lockdown which Billu didn’t understand. But he did know that he had found his purpose. Armed with this knowledge, he promptly sought the necessary approvals from the Great Upstairs and opened up a barbershop for these unfortunate souls. He called the shop – aatmaa-nirbhar.

To words, for words

You know the feeling when you keep looking at a word long enough that it ceases to mean anything at all. I dont know if there is a word for that. I dont even know if it is an experience that others have. Do they?

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Words that made me think in the past week:

Melancholy - People often mistake melancholy with sadness. But it is seldom so. True sadness necessarily has a worldly reason. On the contrary (at least as far as I understand), melancholy involves a feeling of disenchantment and non-attachment. Its is not rejection of but rather not wanting to be involved with the surroundings. In my opinion very poetic and one of the more mature emotions. Is there any Hindi word for it?

Synecdoche - That along with antithesis started my journey on figures of speech. I wish I could take that class again. I forgot the context of my recent encounter with this word. But somehow it is stuck in my head. How do I get it out?

Post truth world - I dont even want to talk about it. The phenomena is just sad and the fact that this is a thing is truly depressing.

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For a long long time I had confused foreword with forward.

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Are we moving? It feels like we are going to. Gosh, being a grown up is hard.

I cant believe its May already !

It is almost 2 months since the beginning of the lockdown. Things are supposed to be coming back to normal but I dont see how.

If this is going to be the new normal, as a society we will have to learn new ways to be normal. This will require tremendous effort on the part of businesses, policy makers, politicians, law enforcement and above all - the people. Everybody will have to collectively decide to set aside their individual greed to be able to function as a collective. Because, as we have just discovered, individual health is a function affected by several collective (!!) parameters.
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There is a lot of uproar from people from all over the globe to ease the lockdown, to let them be. I am not talking here about the people hit by economic hardship. I am talking about well to do people who are bored in the confines of their homes. And although I do not agree with them, I understand their plight. Human beings are supposed to be social animals. In-person complex social interactions are what set us apart from rest of the animal world. You know there are studies which say that we developed such a large brain just to be able to have conversations. Solitary confinement is considered to be the harshest (non capital) punishment.
Hence the argument that such impositions are not humane may be true to some extent. But then, every mistake asks for repentance. We have erred as a society, we pay the price as a society. It is as simple as that.

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So far all my cucumber flowers have been male. :(

Since there was no chance of having a fruit, I made the most of the situation. Which was dipping them in batter and deep frying ;) Yummy.

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There is a report which I hate. I hate it that I have to work on it and finalize it and get it approved. I hate everything about it. But I still have to do it. This is life, this is what being an adult is all about. Being able to work on things while hating them.
I miss being young and stupid enough to believe otherwise.

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Of cucumbers and corona

My cucumbers have flowered, so has the bhindi (okra). The cucumber flowers are all male till now. But I am hopeful. If nothing else, I will make pakoras out of the flowers.

I want to live in a small house, with a backyard where I can grow whatever I want to.
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The uncertainty has begun to bother me. I know its wishful thinking, but I hope someone just knew when the world would become normal again.

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I used to shield the boys from Shin Chan because I thought it would be bad influence. Now I want them to watch it because I think it would be a good one :|

----

I understand conspiracy theorists a little letter now.

Rants of the frustrated kind

Isolation has never bothered me. Most of my topmost fantasies involve having a quiet quaint life in a mountain cabin, a farm with a big yellow barn, a small village on an island(this one comes from the Country of the Pointed Firs). I actively envy people who homestead successfully. So I am quite okay with being isolated now as well.

But its the larger scenario which is worrisome. Many people are dying, many more are suffering out of fear. Fear of the virus, fear of joblessness, fear of poverty. A society made up of people who are afraid cannot function properly. Even when the restrictions are lifted, the gloom shall remain. And this is a realization that is slowly dawning on us.

I am a little angry and mostly just sad that we have brought this calamity onto ourselves. The root cause of such wide spread of the disease is greed. Hear me out-

There have been far more deadlier contagious diseases in the past, killing a larger fraction of people. But, the spread was usually limited to a province, country or continent. Never ever has it touched everyone. We (or rather the social, political and economic forces of the world) have allowed this disease to fester because it originated in you-know-where. Had such a disease originated in a smaller, less financially strong country (pick any one of the smaller poorer south east Asian or Latin american countries of your choice), that country would have been properly cordoned off by all other countries right in January. Boycotted, borders sealed, maybe nuked.. Believe it or not, but this pandemic is a direct result of globalization and centralized mega mass production of cheap non-essentials.

Stop blaming the food habits of certain people. That is not a new phenomena. Those people were eating anything that moves for centuries. Its the spread which is new.

I also understand that there is nothing that will be done about it. Nobody is going to stop buying stuff that they dont need. Nobody is going to shun manufacturers who produce cheap goods because they can afford to keep their workers starving. Nothing will change.

Sorry.

About the plants

I guess I have mentioned the fate of my Bhindi(Okra) saplings before.

Miraculously, 3 of them have survived.  Even more surprising is that they have sprouted buds. The saplings are tiny, and yet they have sprouted buds. I dont think you can see them in the pic.

Meanwhile, I have succulent sprouts, lots of cucumber and a rogue date palm peeking through. Little V has also planted a potato.

I had pruned the mogra and the curry plant rather mercilessly, but they seem to be thriving nonetheless.

I noticed some aphids yesterday. I plan on using neem oil this time to get rid of them. Shall post about the effects.

Quarantine day 14

We have gotten used to the new "normal" now. Things are great as long as I dont switch on the news. Because then it is horrible. For once, I want to live in a bubble. I know its stupid and immature, but here I am.
Uncertainty does not suit me.
------

I need to be more inward looking, practice what i preach.

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Surprisingly enough, house work does not seem like a burden at all. I actually like cooking all meals, planning and prepping. It is satisfying for now.

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I pray to God, please set things right. Please grant us maturity to see where we went wrong and strength to do what needs to be done.

WFH

Day 3 of the Quarantine:

My younger son is singing - "Buttery Butt, butt, butt, butt" -over and over at the top of his lungs from the balcony.

The boys have also drowned my cucumber saplings.

For washing hands constantly

The times are weird. It is eye opening (and deeply saddening) to see and realize that the fabric of modern society and social systems are quite fragile. Normalcy is a myth, a facade that we choose to believe in and invest in.

At some level, I believe Human Beings crave stress. But in our day to day lives, we (and I am talking about the privileged lot) are far removed from real conflict and pain. Hence, we have created ingenuous systems to keep the stress levels high. I understand that some stress is beneficial, even necessary from evolutionary point of view. But those reasons are long gone. We no longer have to worry about our next meal, so we worry about the next bonus. Although there are numerous research finding proving that after a certain point, additional monetary benefits do not bring any additional joy, we still chose to be inspired by the same reasons that inspire everyone else. The futility of most social and economical incentives is truly comical.

By sheer chance, I also happen to be reading The Black Swan since the past month. So far, I have managed about 30 pages. :D
Must read.

This and that

This time, we started the year with a vacation. And a quite ambitious one by our standards. But thankfully, the kids co-operated and it was a success. I found a new love in the form of home-stays. It was a wonderful little place. I should take this opportunity to thank our hosts who really went out of their ways to accommodate our noisy family.

---

People lead all sorts of lives. We are usually reluctant to see the value in the lives of people who have taken a path different from ours. But doing this deprives us of the numerous possibilities that may still be within our reach. If not for myself, then maybe for the kids.

In any case, it is advisable that we keep an open mind. Practice being non-judgemental. Respect all those who are trying to lead honest lives.
---

Wisdom: Usually, we spend our lives seeking it. And if we fail, life shoves it down our throats anyways.
---

So as I must have said before, every now and then I pickup an Agatha Christie. It is like my guilty pleasure, like cheat days on a diet. But over time, in my head, I know her. In a way that I can usually guess the culprit when she is introducing the characters.

But the last one I read was different. For a first, she dedicated it to Wodehouse !! I had never felt they were contemporaries. Well of course i knew, but it didn't feel that way ever. (I couldn't imagine Jeeves meeting Poirot. It would have been fantastic though.)

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T (at our last pizza outing, eyes closed, mouth full of pizza)- "I love this pizza so much, I can get married to it."
---

V - "ahhh... friday.."
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K - "I need more sleep"

Looking inwards

They say you are most observant when you are in a contemplative mood, looking inwards. I have found truth in this saying every now and then.

Today while driving to work after dropping V at his pre-school, I came across an endearing sight. A young girl, must be 15-16 at most. She was riding a bicycle with a little child sitting behind her in school uniform, clutching her fiercely trying to stay warm. Most likely she was dropping her younger sister at school. By appearance, it was evident they came from a modest household. The weather is cold now, and mornings are chilly. Riding a bicycle in such conditions is not what most of us would be willing to do. But the joy on their faces, and the determination just warmed my heart. The feeling of warmth lasted for a minute before I got scared, really scared. This girls were happy, hopeful to do better (the little one was going to school). The fragility of such beautiful sights is terrifying. I really really pray to God, please look after them. Please.

Of this and that

The art of being creative relies on the science of finding enough time to make the mind feel (relatively) idle. 

The kind of creativity that comes from "last minute panic" (i am thinking of that calvin and hobbes strip right now) is way feeble than the ideas that just crop up when you are not really thinking of anything. Now this state (of idleness) was pretty frequent till some years ago. Not so anymore. We are never ever idle. Even in situations where one used to forced to enjoy the company of one's own thoughts (elevators, metro trains, boring work meetings) , mobiles have become the ubiquitous intruders. If you are not actively working, more often than not you will find yourself staring at a screen. We are not thinking anymore.

I was reading an article the other day which lamented about the slowdown in major scientific breakthroughs in recent years. You know what? I blame the presence of easy passive entertainment for this. 

I wonder what the coming generations will turn out to be. I understand that today's youth are much more likely to explicitly express their views and they are not shy of resorting to (peaceful) much publicized protests. But how many of their ideas are original? Most youngsters I interact with are either vehemently opposing ALL views & opinions of people in authority or are blindly supporting their most popular peers. Being anti-authority is so much in fashion. Mind you, the percentage of people actually doing something is miniscule, most of them are satisfied with protesting whatever cause is in vogue these days. Not just this, the media is actually adulating prominent protestors. I feel sad and angry just thinking about this. 

OK lets calm down. 

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I have started a new resolution to eat healthier. I am talking boiled oats for breakfast healthy :| 

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Most often the euphoria that I get out of new shopping lasts for a week, 2 weeks tops. But this time I am still happy about the purchases I did last month. I guess I was really going for that "joy" factor that Ms. Kondo talks about. 

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Insta type update: Successfully fed family with homegrown veggies.

Reality: We had palak pakoras from palak that I grew in my humble little terrace garden. 

Impressive nonetheless. :D

Logs

The past two weeks were eventful. Meeting all those people after a decade (!) and yet it felt like literally nothing had changed. Maybe all of us experienced a time warp the moment we set foot in the familiar grounds. It was awesome. More so because I fit in that dress (lol). There was also the expected shock of finding strangers treating our place like their own and not realizing the history behind the legendary spots. (they were neither aware of dome nor chhakka wing !!!!)

Anyways.
----------------

The summit was great. All those women, all that force, all that grace and inadvertently - all that faff. Seems like there is no escaping from it. Maybe that's what doing business is all about.

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We have too many clothes ! More than enough to clothe two families. And I dont where to put it or what to do about it.

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Sauteing with garlic and boiling greens works wonderfully. Just add loads of water and an egg and you have a healthy filling soup.

-----------------

T tests my patience. Too much. He is just different. Being a parent is that hardest thing I have ever had to do. Rewarding, no doubt. But HARD.

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I fantasize about moving away from our urban lives. Somewhere where there are less buildings, less people, less technology. Maybe there aren't any more of those places. maybe I am just fantasizing about past. Thinking about what the future has in store for human kind makes me even more anxious. What is humankind headed towards.

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Being calm. Having inner peace. Being able to control my thoughts.

I am thinking of slugs for some reason

With the 10th Alumni meet lining up, I have found myself thinking increasingly about my (last) Alma mater. 

I realize (now) that the best takeaway any education can provide is not really knowledge/ facts/ figures, but the change in though process which somehow (hopefully) translates into real practical wisdom.

I dont know how much I could imbibe though :p

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Word of the day: 

Philosophy : Literally, love of wisdom. 

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Doesn't wisdom hold different meaning for different people. Same for answers to easy sounding but really profound questions like - "What construes a good life ?", "what is success?" and "What defines a good human being?".

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A concept that I recently came across was "ergodicity". This blog post by  the legendary Naseem Taleb explains this concept in the context of financial risk taking behavior while making investments. A good article elucidates the concept in simple enough terms to make a noob like myself understand it (somewhat!!).

To good reads

I have been reading (of and on) this wonderful book - The Power of Habit by Charles Duhigg. Absolutely wonderful read.

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The most bizarre thing has happened. Somehow 3 pairs of my shoes broke within the past 15 days. This weird spurt in frequency is inexplicable.
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The recent trip was awesome. It ticked all the boxes to qualify for a perfect vacation. Super fun.

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I have been noticing certain instances(?)/ peculiarities in my work behavior. And the stark difference of it from my everyday-normal self. Do we really take on a different personality at work? Is it good or is it bad? I think I should keep a journal and record. A good analysis requires decent amount of data.

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I guess I have been a little successful in making good changes in my online/ mobile habits. Have managed to increase the amount of reading and other offline productive activities.

For Diwali, I refurbished the little home temple we have had since the past 10 years. I still remember buying it (:)). The experience was really good. And contrary to my fears, the boys did not cause any problems with the whole project. On the whole, they were quite supportive. makes me wonder i i could start taking up more projects.

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With the oncoming winter season, the wonderful spread of vegetables have started in. This year, it is my goal to try at least one new kind of vegetable and one new kind of saag. Lets see.

The tortoise, hare, fox and hedgehog. And everyone else.

Now and then there is a conversation so deep and meaningful that it stays with you long after. Now and then you catch yourself thinking and mulling over it.  I like such conversations… Even when I am only listening to two individuals talk, as long as the talk is civil, intelligent, deep and has an element of fun. They give me space and opportunity to think about things from a distance. After two of such conversations, I thought and found that I could understand myself better when I classify myself circumstantially – sometimes tortoise and mostly hare, mostly fox and seldom hedgehog.

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There are things I don’t want to think about, rabbitholes I am too scared to enter. One of them is “meaning of life”, my own life. What is my purpose? Is it possible (or even preferable) to break from my biological dispositions and succumb to making my own individual being as the pivot of all major life decisions? Do I have any free will or is it just an illusion and we are all pre-programmed and pre-destined to play our parts in the story of life? Has this story gone off script and we are all still scurrying towards doom, too blinded by our primitive and tribal instincts to even see it?

Quote for the day

“We choose our joys and sorrows long before we experience them.” 

― Kahlil Gibran

5 Things

My daily dose of calm (through the ever humble google assistant) suggested today to list down 5 things I am grateful for.

This is a difficult task. Reason one being that I didn't know where to begin. And reason two, because once I started, I didn't know when to stop :|. Of course I am infinitely grateful to God for my family and everything related to it. People, our health, abilities and attitude, faith, home and belongings, jobs, places... and you know everything.  So today I am only going to list the external factors.

So here's the list:

1. Modern medicine
2. Technology
3. Human instincts. The positive ones, and some of the grey ones.
4. The night sky on a moonless night
5. The smell of morning, in a non-polluted green place
6. Trees that blossom in summers
7. Art and music
8. Books
9. Food. The mind boggling wide varieties of dishes around the world. And the fact that I can have anything I want right here.
10. The fact that most of us have living conditions which would have been unimaginable even for royalty just 100 years ago. So yeah, I am grateful for indoor plumbing.

well one can go on and on.

Nuggets of Summer

Now that T's school schedule has changed K and I have like an entire hour to ourselves ... kidsfree !!!! . It feels like winning the lottery everyday :).

I kid you not, we(and I am sure a lot of you) are so engrossed in just getting through our day-to-day activities all the time that it is really easy to forget why are doing that in the first place.

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Just the other day, a newly married couple at my work (yeah couple. married. at work. ) had their wedding party (party. at work. :D. its ok. We are HR. Who is going to tell us off..lol). And the conversation somehow turned funny where each one of us had to give one tiny marriage advice to the couple. Needless to say, it was weird and cringy and hopelessly hilarious. Lots of to-dos and not-to-dos. I felt sorry for the couple.

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I am on a podcast spree again. And since Dr. Cox isnt coming out with any new ones (please do.. pretty please.), I had to explore some unfamiliar ones. Turns out, there is a ton of great content being created by the good people at NPR, BBC and the lot. I just want to take a moment and thank them, in fact I would like to thank all those people whose creations I have enjoyed. I understand it must take a lot of effort to create quality content and not digress into mediocrity.

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Books I read in the past month/ am reading:

* Life's Amazing secrets by Gaur Gopal Das (I like the simplicity of the language of this book. You can almost hear him speaking)
* Rain In The Mountains: Notes From Himalayas - Ruskin Bond (Any book/excerpt by him is enough to transpose me in the mountains. His words are magic. God bless him )
* The murder on the links - Agatha Christie ( yup. I still read her works)
* Sapiens

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We had mother's day celebration at V's school this weekend. And T's PTM. It was a delight. Touchwood :)

V's growing up so fast. But every now and then, he gives us a glimpse of his toddlehood. I so desperately want to hold on to these moments... knowing well that the boys are growing up and in a hurry to do so. Not too long ago, he used to say- matun (mountain), soom (spoon), chrocket (chocolate). Now he teases us with these pronunciations. They still say 'aeloprane' :D

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:)

Wishes

Sorry for the break. I was obliged to divert my attention elsewhere. But now that I am done with that, I might feel no guilt in writing again. Hopefully I will manage to be a bit more regular.

Writing makes me feel so self aware about everything. As long as I am not penning it down, I dont have to face my decisions. It happens with everyone I suppose. We only evaluate our actions and lives when we talk to someone about it. It might very well be a conversation with yourself. I have also found myself lying to myself. More often than i would like to admit. But that is a different tangent altogether.

Lately my work has required me to write about stuff. Things that were practiced since long. Its only when I started putting it down on paper did the gaps in the process become evident. Its a tiresome job. But it has also made me more prone to evaluating everything. 

Truth and lies, right and wrong, good and evil, these are all evaluations. These evaluations are based on circumstances. And circumstances change. However, most of us, do not change our believes. And we feel right in doing so. Upto a certain extent it is also a desirable attribute in human being. We would be shallow without strong believes. In the same time, rigidness and failure to see the merits in opposition is a gross weakness. My wish for this year is to be able to strike a balance between these two.

My wish number two is to be able to be 'disagreeable' at work. I am done with being nice all the time.

Bye bye summer.. please

It has been quite a long hiatus. So much has happened :)

It has been hot, hectic, harrowing and yet utterly rewarding experience. They say change is good. IT has been good so far. In fact, now I have come to the conclusion that people should move just to get rid of unwanted stuff. keep moving to stay lean - works on all levels :D
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The calendar on my desk tells me that the Indian palm Squirrel is call "Funabulus Palmarum" which (i guess) literally implies that squirrels are funny walking creatures. Wow. Who says scientists are dull?

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I have to struggle a bit to keep up with the studies. The hardest part is taking out time. I dont like the idea of giving up having fun. Now that would be dull.

Semul

One of the topmost trees in my list of favorites is the humble semul/simmar/semal.

At home in arid dusty landscapes, it thrives in hellholes like Gurgaon as well. And I am very grateful for that I must add. Its vibrant red flowers mark the end of winters. Around this time, the trees totally lack any foliage but are full of fleshy flowers. In fact, I recall that we used to have a semul tree above our classroom in Nazira. And in April, the floor used to be full of freshly fallen as well as half rotten flowers. And yes, the nearby village was called semulguri. We could take a boat to cross the river and go vegetable shopping there. Sounds fantastic and it was.

:)

Of ancient songs

I love vacations. Well who doesnt :P

Unlike K, I prefer mountains to beaches. We have been on short trips on the Himalayan range a handful of times. And although I enjoyed every moment of our time there, I was always glad to back in the plains. Always. Having said that, I just want to tell that I am very thankful to the Himalayan range. Please dont get angry I dont feel at home on you (:P). I guess, its because I belong in your shadows.

Well, I dont feel so anxious on the Aravalis though. In a way I am intimidated by them. They somehow manage to hold their regalia despite being old and arid. They make me believe that I have been a part of them for a long time, longer than I can remember in this memory. The Aravalis are like an old person, very old and very wise. So old that time has given up on her and it doesnt matter how many eons pass, she is always going to be that old. So old that she has become a chronicle of time iteslf. Age has taught her to be forgiving of the pesky humans mining her flesh though ugly quarries. Age has also taught her that the best way to take care of life is to make it very hard to live in her care. And as a result, life is thriving and so is she. And together they sing songs where melodies mingle with dust and are carried far away and for a very long time. The Aravalis have so much to teach, so much to tell, if only we could listen.

Cultivate and Inculcate

You know what rocks? yeah granite and slate but also learning new things. And learning to use technology for actually improving your life.

So somebody initiated these cool things called podcasts. And bam! 10 years later, I finally started to listen to those. And audiobooks. Those rock too. Needless to say I am cooking way too often these days. :)
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Speaking of rocks, the other week we (I) finally settled on the stone for kitchen counters. They are grey with black specks on them.
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I have five plants on my office desk now.

Studying again

The neighbourhood park has some very lively tangerine trees. Over the years these have become my favorite. And the kids' too. These trees are always laden with fruit. And I mean ALWAYS. Literally hundreds of them.

But today morning, there was something new. The trees had blossoms. And they smell lovely. While walking past them I thought I caught a whiff of something I faintly recognized but couldn't place. On my way back, I stopped to smell them. (must have looked like a dork - a grown woman smelling trees) And I realized, they smell faintly like jasmine(mogra). Lovely.

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Some homes feel like vacations. At least on pinterest. I wonder if the people living in them are aware of this.

My idea of a vacation comprises the tropics, bougainvillea, big troughs of frangipani floating on water, can furniture and afternoon. Not at all unattainable in a house. Only if we could move to the tropics.

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I am wearing a sort of flowy sweater/jacket thing today. i feel like batman. :)

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Little T gave me a compliment today. He said, "Mommy, I love your petu. Its so soft and squishy". I said thank you. And I was. 

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I realize I should start studying seriously now. They say realization is the first step. Well I am glad to have a start of any kind.

Random

I like listening to music while I cook. Not that I cook so very often, but when I do, it sounds very good :P

My usual favorites are classics of course. But recently, I stumbled upon some old favorites of ours. And so Savage Garden is the flavor of the month. Nostalgia.. The funny thing is, although I havent really heard these songs for more than a decade, but I found (to my delight) that I was able to sing along those songs. ooh I want you, I dont know if I need you.... :)

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Ksh and I have started a self-help group. There are only two people in the group. We stop each other from losing our sh*t at the kids. I must say it is working pretty well. And we have the added delight of having a new common hobby.

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We are also neck deep in getting things finished for the house. I love crawling through the web to find something for the new place. Ksh likes to see the pinterest stuff I show him and somehow thinks I am going to be able to replicate it. :O

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I want to try my hand at woodwork. Like work with really professional tools. I want to become a furniture maker.

Birthday rants

Saw a parrot in flight today. It kind of looked like a swift while flying, a very pretty green swift. magnificent 

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"We are, each of us, a product of the stories we tell ourselves" - Derren Brown, Happy

I came across this book by chance. Bought it on a whim and started it in the middle of another one(The Pilgrimage by Coelho. I need more conviction to finish it though). And I have been so surprised. Its a wonderful read. More wisdom than I could handle at one go. So what happens it that I read a passage, marvel it for a while and then realize that I have to re-read it. And marvel it some more. It is a pleasure.

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I also turn 34 today. Thats a big number. And with age, I am surprised to find myself turning more and more "right-wing" and agreeing with people like Jordan Peterson. I am also scared that the world(at least the first / western world and by the virtue of being blind followers - the educated class of my own humble third world country) is inching towards becoming utterly useless. 

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Another bit of wisdom that I garnered is that I have to be more patient. And by Gods grace, my kids have an incredible ability to teach me patience.