Stumped

When it comes to identifying flora, I am usually better than my unfortunately flora-deprived husband. So naturally I have grown into a closeted bragger. My kids actually think I know all plants and trees (lol).

However, I had to concede defeat recently. So there was this beautiful vine, with fruits the size of apples. The fruits looked like overgrown tinda :p which is also why i didnt click their pictures. But the flowers, oh the flowers were beautiful. 

I am still not sure which plant it is. 
 

A lament

I am mourning the death of the internet. 

Dont get me wrong, internet is alive. In fact, it has become a monstrous slimy creature that feeds off negativity that spews more and more of it.

I am lamenting the death of the purer version of the net. For us, who discovered the internet in early 2000's, the internet was a place of wonder. Like a giant library, built by kind and interesting people- people who were curious about music, books, crafts, math... could find their own tribe and be happy there. Just the fact that we could actually lookup the lyrics of any song we wanted was so amazing. I could actually go to the website of national geographic and it would give me wonderful old articles just because they could, no questions asked, no annoying ads, no hidden agenda.

Then there came the orkuts and the facebooks..Still not so bad. Because with it came gems like pandora, stumbleupon, tumbler, craftgawker, foodgawker and ye ol' blogspot. People on pinterest were still normal everyday folks who just wanted to share amazing stuff they found. There was still hope.

Not anymore. All of the above are either dead or have been reduced to ridiculous drug-addicted shadows of their former selves. Today, even if I find an article that seems good, I am 100% sure there is a hidden agenda behind it. Evil people trying to sell their evil ideas. Damn it, I have turned into a pessimistic skeptic. :(

Oxymorons

I have come to a realization that there is no such thing as "enough golgappas". Its an oxymoron. People are either forced to stop eating more because they are embarrassed to ask for more after gulping down some dozens or they run out of golgappas. There is no other way. 

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Some variables can create confusion by super-imposing on each other. There is no way you can distinguish between them because all of you (i.e. the variables and your point of view) exist in the same dimension. The only solution is to go up or down to be able to distinguish between them, i.e. to shift your point of view to another dimension.

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Love the word "oxymoron". 

Aalu is grounded

 V (after finding out that they are about to get aalu parantha for breakfast tomorrow): "Why aalu? I hate aalu. No more aalu parantha, no more aalu ka sabzi. Aalu is grounded!"

On trees and traffic

 “I like trees because they seem more resigned to the way they have to live than other things do. I feel as if this tree knows everything I ever think of when I sit here. When I come back to it, I never have to remind it of anything; I begin just where I left off.”

― Willa Cather, O Pioneers!

Such a relatable quote. I knew how it will end before it did. I know exactly what Willa feels (at least the Willa of my imagination) - a deep gratitude for trees which grow to earn ones friendship, just by being there, lending an ear to ones thoughts, listening without interrupting, having an unmatched memory. 

On the risk of sounding silly, I firmly believe trees have feelings, and that they grow to like some people more than others. They have inter-species friends. I had an asoka tree outside my room when in school. It bloomed the year I had to write the boards, just before they started. I know it wished me good luck. I still miss it.

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Our new terrace is green and apparently very popular with the birds. I am yet to identify what they are called, but they are the prettiest.. Will post pictures soon.

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I positively hate the commute to work now. The office is situated in the old part of the city, making it necessary to navigate narrow and crowded roads. Nothing about the whole situation is sustainable.

Everything

We have moved!

Transition, the process of relocation, specially with children is ....lets just say interesting, and tumultuous and full of unexpected turns.

It is interesting to see that I still go through the same apprehensions when faced with the prospect of adjusting to new surroundings. More now than before since I believe in doing all the worrying for my husband and kids too. :p

All being said, it has been nice. The place is pleasant, people are good natured(so they seem) and the weather is definitely better. We do miss some of the old things of course... But I hope this change will be good. 

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This change been taken care of, I have another to look forward to. I just need enough courage and luck... definitely luck. touchwood

Oh well !

Its not the easiest of times to write down whats going on. I am not even going to attempt doing that. Lets just say, I am getting a lot of opportunity for personal growth. 

So we are sticking to the surface for now :/

Start my days with a cup of coffee and wordle. Its a ritual now and I really look forward to it. 

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I need to get better with names and faces.

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Every now and then, the kids do or say something that reminds me that they are growing up. and fast!

I want to grasp these years, make every memory etch in my mind forever... 

Human Standards

Its the time of the year. You know that time when everyone is relaxed. Whatever goals and targets they had - either already been achieved, or fully accepted as unachievable. 

So anyway, K and the kids went to the zoo the other day. it was a beautiful sunny winter day, with a clear sky. A rarity, i know. Apparently they had lots of fun [without me :( . Since I was at work. This is another crisis I am having, but more on that later. Perhaps...]

They saw the lion - in a huge enclosure - all by itself. So at a meta level, by human standards, the lion is... you know.. lucky. it has good health, lives a sprawling property, in the most expensive part of New Delhi !!!! A human with all these things will be invite envy from all. And yet, the lion is sad, and us humans have no problem identifying its situation as not optimal. I mean, even the kids understood that the lion would have been happier with its family in a jungle where it belongs. 

If it is a simple concept, they why do we struggle to understand the same in context of human beings - that living beings are at their happiest when they are in company of their own people, in surroundings that they belong to. By Human Standards, it is really acceptable that people try and find happiness in alien places, among people which are considered to be high class. And they still miserable.  and then they wonder why.. There are books after books trying to solve this "mystery". 

It seems that our standards for ourselves are the lowest. 

To reason and reasoning

I usually write a lot. But for work. That's what I do mostly. Write. Pages and pages of absolute garbage. Which is also why I couldnt bring myself to write here with any honesty at all. Feels wrong to write anymore.

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Most of the times, I write first and then put a title when I am done. Sometimes though, like today, I put down the title first and just hope that whatever I write will have some semblance to the titular topic. 

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sigh

 List of books I have not finished:

- Antifragile

- Mythos

- (Dilbert) way of the weasel 

To be fair, the last one is my sometime book. I just pick it up now and then and open a random page. It doesnt really matter. Its a good book.

I am sad about not finishing mythos (because lazy) and ashamed for antifragile (because I need to be smarter)

I am certain I had more brain cells earlier. Damn!

Its November already

I am not calm right now. By "calm" I mean in a larger sense, the kind that makes you move/act/speak when you want to & only if you want to; and by "right now" I mean a while.

Should I get used to this? Is this the new normal for me? Its not sustainable. 

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People, in general, are adept at ignoring. Specially when it comes to uncomfortable truths/ facts. Case in point - during our recent trip, we decided to visit the infamous cellular jail. It is an impressive piece of architecture where unspeakable atrocities have taken place. The place has had to witness humans at their worst. But today, if one manages to mentally isolate the history from the present and look at the tall walls, listen to the powerful waves with backing vocals by the birds, the place seems beautiful. It is only when one focuses on the history of the place, the sights it must have seen, the cries it must have heard, the blood that must have washed off the floors, that you know that what you mistook for tranquil was, in fact, eerie - the kind that gives you goosebumps.

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Diwali is here. Last year, we couldnt really celebrate because of obvious reasons. Thank you Bhagwanji for letting us recuperate without much hassle. It is a depressing thought, but getting infected during first wave was safer than in second wave. At least, we were assured that if required, we would get help easily. 

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Towards the beginning of this year, I had plans to write more, I mean here. This plan didnt really materialize obviously. But why? I had things to write and then didnt. laziness? memory loss?

Feathered Watch

Since I have a bit of time in my hands these days, I have the luxury of having my morning coffee out in the balcony, looking at the beautiful scenery, being a spectator to the daily (and fabulous) show that nature puts up. 

So today, I made a mental list of the different kinds of birds that I was able to spot. There were more than 10 kinds. 

:)

For going back

I went to my native place after a long long time. Decades actually. 

Everything was different and somehow still the same.

It was like an alignment session for me. Like a correction in perspective, how we live vs. how we are supposed to live. 

Going back to the roots does that to you I guess. Or maybe it was because of the freedom you get to live life at a slower pace, fully record the parts of the universe that exist around you.

here and there

Last night, T said - "Time passes so quickly. The day just went swooshing by." 

He is right of course. Not just days, weeks, months, years, decades have swooshed by, so to say.

And we are lucky to have experienced this. Because, it only feels so when everything is ok. When there are no disruptions that leave mark on our timelines, like blots or splotches. 

I am grateful to God for letting us have clean and pretty timelines. 

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Last week, after a long long time, we went out. The things we take for granted !! 

Visited Crossword. I am emotionally attached to the chain. A very long time ago, there used to be a crossword store at Mithakali 6 rasta in Ahmedabad. maybe its still there. At least, in mind it is. So after our board exams, there was ample time to read, browse through and just be there in the store. I used to go there with little M (he was little back then.. lol). We used to save our pocket money for books, I used to have coffee (he was too young for coffee) and he had sandwiches. Decades ago, but the memories are so fresh. See, time does fly.

So, I do love the fact that our children love books just like we did. I am hugely grateful for the fact that books stores still exist. I understand how financially unviable it would be to operate a brick-and-mortar store for commodities like books. I can only hope that bookstores continue to operate. I am ready to divert my tax money towards them. They should be re-classified as essential services. yes. I would vote for that. promise.

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Started a new project. very low cost in terms of time involvement. Will let you know how it is going. 

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So many meetings.. Oh God! So many!!

Dusty ke kaarname

 I hate dust. And dust reciprocates... by hating me with equal passion in return :(

The barren lands of Gurgaon are partial in favor of my enemy. So every summer, they put up this big show with full pomp. Dust storms galore. Our apartment being in the foothills of the Aravalis, the storms can be spotted from far away, their arrival being announced about 10 minutes prior. aargh... I hate dust. 

But wait, there is more. As if the dust storms werent enough, the place also offers variety in the dusty experience. So sometimes, for a change, the dust just decides to be lazy, and not go anywhere. It doesnt even settle. Because settling is for losers, so why settle right? It hangs around, covering everything in a sepia toned ambience. Romantic, but not really. 

:I

"Yeh aam rasta nahi hai"

last week, we finally took a vacation. Not a vacation really, but a small get-away of sorts. To a tree house. It was fun.

And then, we went back to where it all started !!! For a tour to good old college !

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Nothing is simple. No decision. aaaaaa. adulting is hard !

This time I am talking about the question to when (and where)... I am losing hair over this.

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"A calm and modest life brings more happiness than the pursuit of success combined with constant restlessness".

Albert Einstein said this. So it must be true.

Spontaneous brain gems

My brain, it seems, has taken up the responsibility to keep me grounded. So whenever, it catches me feeling particularly smug about things, it slips some gems (genuine) into conversation so that people know who(and what) they are dealing with. 

Hence, during a meeting today ...

"We should not let this judge our cloudment."

:|

To New Years and counting blessings

First of all I wish everyone a happy and prosperous new year. may all of us and our loved ones be safe, have enough and have love in our lives.

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As far as new year parties go, this was a unique one. In the sense that it was just the four of us. And we had a blast. Everyone chipped in, the kids did what they could. Most importantly, all of us had fun. May God keep his blessing on us. Touchwood.

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A conversation a few nights ago while I was watching a cooking show:

T : (Referring to the woman in the video) She is so pretty but why she doesn't speak at all ?(it was an ASMR kind of cooking video. I find them calming and relaxing).

Me : Yes, she is a pretty woman.

V : Nanny Plum is also a woman. (Nanny Plum is a character in this show they watch Ben and Holly. I think she is a fairy)

Me : Yeah, there are different kinds of women. Like me.

V : You are a woman? What? Really?

So being the only woman in a household of boys can be a unique experience - sometimes demanding and often annoying, but always endearing. 

TIL

Back in year 2000, a children's show used to be aired on Sony(as far as I can remember) called Heidi. It was an animated series based on the namesake book.

I was quite grown up by then, in my mid teens and I was IN LOVE with the series. Everything about the show was awesome. I strongly feel that it provided me with a sense of calm in my otherwise stressful years of 11th and 12th, the acad rigor and then the earth quake aftermath. 

I loved the slow European rural mountain life depicted in the show - the cattle rearing, cheese making, curd churning life. 

So today I learned two things:

> This genre is referred to as "Cottagecore".

> The opening sequence of the show was done by none other than Miyazaki !!

And thats why Arietty reminded me of Heidi :)

So far

 So a week ago, K and I got tested and  were found COVID positive.

Horrible, I know. But by the grace of God, we are doing fine now. The fever has gone along with the body  ache.

All the symptoms that they talk about on the internet are there - the fever, body ache, lethargy, pain behind eyes, loss of taste and smell.. But there are more weird ones. A strange taste in the mouth all the time, the throat feels choked and a very dry nasal passage.

Loss of taste and smell makes cooking very difficult. But then neither of us can actually taste anything, so its fine.. lol

I am just angry at everything thats going on. Please bhagwanji.. Make things right. We need the world to go back to normalcy.