Stepping into the time machine

I chanced upon a conversation today. An accidental one, because it wasn't supposed to be a conversation at all, but merely a retelling. Which is why I wasn't prepared.

Anyways, so the question was - "If you had the chance to relive one day/moment from your life once again, which one would it be?"

Now of course, there is no right or wrong answers to this, specially if one has to answer on the fly. And as it turns out, I am not particularly fond of the impromptu answer. Anyways, that particular issue is not up for discussion right now. What I want to decide first, for myself, is the right answer to this question, for me.

The more I think about it, the more I realize that every moment in the past had its own ... joys and troubles. As an individual, the most troublefree one ever is, is their childhood (for most of us). The troubles of childhood are simpler, the consequences of the choices made are immediate and most often not really sticking. And yet, the joys are more vibrant, almost reverberating. The best of the situations really. But then I think of my parents at the same time. Of course, they must have had the trials and tribulations of being parents of young children, of earning money, of keeping a happy, healthy and safe home, of being responsible on a daily basis... so on and so forth. When I thought about this, I hesitated for a second - would I want them to go through those troubles again? But then, immediately it dawned on me that even they would trade a day now for a day then in a heartbeat. They had their youth and their kids lived still with them. Of course, that is the time they would want to relive too.

But by that logic, I should want to time travel at all. So I go back to the question, I have to decide on a time I would like to go back to for a day, and for me. I would like to think more, fantasize more, relive more.

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Anyways, so this train of thoughts led me to another one. Namely, the troubles we all like to discuss when we get together with friends. The quintessential question at any coffee/lunch/dinner/club/date is always - "So what's up with life nowadays?" And the answer is always a recounting or summary of how busy one is, how much their kids are troubling them, how demanding their job is, how the house is a mess... And the funny thing is that all of us believe this to be the truth. But I think it is not. We often talk about how we should be happy and thankful and full of gratitude since these are our golden days. And we think we are not happy but I really think we are mistaken. We are all incredibly happy. And we know it, at least deep down. It is just that we are scared to admit that we are happy. Because the moment you admit it, it becomes concrete, describable, real. And that kind of puts a boundary to it and makes it defined, less than unlimited. 

Also, there is the notion that in order to be truly happy one has to be both ignorant and selfish. So obviously we are reluctant.

Is that why no one confesses?

Who in the world is courageous enough to admit that they are truly unconditionally happy?

Neither cappuccino nor latte

The littlest things sometimes bring the most joy. Sometimes it is a combination of such little things.

A while ago i got apparatus that makes cube in quirky shapes.. namely hexagons, whales and ships. Some time later I also got an assortment of beautiful steel straws. 

And then we got hit by a heatwave. 

So what do I get...... A new habit of constantly chugging iced back coffee. I absolutely love it. It is like my little companion throughout the day.

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Other perks of Summers: Our Madhumalti is in full bloom and the Bougainville. We have been consuming mangoes by truckloads. And I have a custard apple growing just outside my bedroom window. 

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Also I think this is the first blogpost I am typing out on my phone. Not such a big fan of composing on phones. I guess I am an old person.

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Randomly random

I don't usually remember my dreams. But today I am able to recall bits and pieces of it. 

I was in a house that resembled the one I grew up in. When I woke up (in the dream), I went to some kind of school. Somehow I was able to smear blue ink on my forehead. I vividly remember trying to wipe it off. Couldn't. 

Then it was art class and I saw that I had forgotten to get my stuff to school. We needed brushes and paint and I had neither. I decided to use the blue ink that was already there on my forehead. For brush, I tried borrowing one from the fellow classmates(faceless as far as I can tell) but they didnt share :( 

I decide to explore the artroom to see if there are spare ones lying somewhere. And then luckily I encounter an old classmate(with face) with a bunch of new brushes. I get the smallest one because there is very little ink left on the forehead and go back happily.

Lol, have fun with this one Freud.

Just like meeting old friends

On our last trip we spent a few days among people who are far removed from the modern world. No internet, not even a cell signal. And what I saw was so refreshing. Kids playing outside(in freezing cold btw), women working relentlessly while laughing and singing. Men building houses and working on the farms while smoking pipe. Everybody joined in for a game of cards in the evening, the kids were playing impromptu cricket (yes, cricket, even up there). They even included the local deity in the game (the temple door was the wicket lol). Every house looked out to the valley, so that when the clouds started wafting in, everyone knew it was about to rain. 

There was so much beauty, all around, excess of it. And the people were not bothered at all. Blissfully unaware. Although I understand the concept of object permanence, but it is so difficult for me to imagine that all that beauty, the joy, and carefreeness, the sounds and smells, the small maggi shack near the waterfall... they are all still there. Sheru - the shaggy dog who followed us throughout the trek is probably following someone else. We were just another blip in their lives, even when they have left an indelible mark on ours. 

Will it be the same if I ever went back there? Probably not. 

I need better coping mechanisms

You know how sudden changes in elevation messes our systems. So we are advised to keep taking breaks during any mountain trips. As we recently discovered, unfortunately through a first hand experience, the same thing is true with hot springs too. Take it slow while getting in the water, AND while getting out of it. Like, get out one foot (12 inches) of your body at a time and give it like 5 minutes per iteration. Anyways, I digress.. 

So what i was planning to talk about is that a sudden exodus of people does something weird to the atmosphere. Suddenly 50% of the family members are travelling and I have already lost my mind. There is soooooo much to do. So much packing and planning. But have I started yet - No. Am I about to start it - also No. 

But what I have started is a new giant project that I absolutely cannot afford to complete before we leave. A project that I started at 11 yesterday.  

So, our drawing room is without a lamp and the living room is my temporary studio. And I have 3 very different ideas that I equally love. Hence, a standstill. Sorry.

Early bird gets the worm

They say our music choices are set by our 20's and thereafter doesn't really change much...certainly true in my case. 

And not just the music, I even miss the band names. Compared to the tame (and PC) sounding names of today, I miss the colorful whimsical names that were.. Toad the wet sprocket, Death Cab for the cutie, Panic! at the Disco.. whew

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I realized I do not have any lasting solid habits. I am not an early riser, not a person who does chores as soon as they come up (I wait for them to ripen lol..), not a person who is really principled about what or how often she eats, I am totally cool with staying up late to finish a book or series... you get the idea. Am I still redeemable.. Is this something that needs to be addressed?

Books are the secret of my crazy

I love the vibe of libraries. Also, libraries invite the best kind of people. 

Also, I am happy to report that today I finished an entire book in one sitting.

=)

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We are trying to (supposed to) be training for the upcoming trek. But, so many things are happening all at once. I hope it goes well. 

I am super excited nonetheless. 

Fingers crossed.

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The kids are getting better at tricking us. Dont know whether I should be relieved or worried.

My cabbages !!

Warmest welcome to the newcomer in the family. mmuuaahh...

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I love how versatile cabbages are. And yummy. I am currently in love with dumplings in cabbage leaves.

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I dont really have any words for everything that is going around in the world right now. Not only is it despicable, but also inexplainable. I am flabbergasted by the lack of reliable information that is coming out. Horrible and confusing times to be in.

Filters through foliage

Komorebi 

- a Japanese term describing the dappled, sunlight-filtering effect of light passing through the leaves of trees, often creating a shifting pattern of light and shadow

In these times of incredible chaos everywhere... and pretty much all the time, I yearn for simple pleasures.. like these. To be honest, any sort of light filtering through foliage has a soothing effect on me. I didnt know it was a universal thing. And that is why the existence of "komorebi" made me smile. The fine people of Japan, the land of people so appreciative of arboreal beauty that they have a whole art form dedicated to it (and also a festival). Those people who enjoy the same simple pleasures as I do, are they also perturbed by the same troubles as I am? Do they also dread the destinations that are inevitable on the dangerous path the world is travelling on. Do they also lament the loss of simpler times? 

I am deeply interested in knowing what lifts their spirits, because I might be in need of some lifting up too.

Yes, also, Happy Holi.

Lessons in patience

That is what I got during the last fortnight. Involuntary lessons of course, as real life lessons often are. Anyways, as long as I learnt something.

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Spring is in the air, and also in our garden, which is blooming :)  The seaweed extract is working well. Definitely recommended. 

BTW apparently this year the summers are going to be Scorching!! Lets see.

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My social calendar is totally packed till May. How did this happen. I thought the year had just started. 

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Jukebox of favorite junk

Random songs keep popping up in my head at random times. Like a jukebox in a diner, it keep running in the background, through silence, through conversations, through work, sometimes sleep too. I think it happens with most people. Not with K though, but his brains work in very different ways. 

Anyhow, so these random playlists of mine keep shuffling up. But some songs are ever favorites. In fact, there are songs/jingles that are played at least once everyday. And sadly, for me at least, they are total trash. I didnt pay much heed to when, how or why they crept into my permanent song collection, but they are there. Often with made up lyrics too. It doesnt make any sense. This is my attempt to list them (just for records, I am incredibly ashamed of and embarrassed by this list. But for the sake of honesty....)

- come on come on o Kamachi (something like this. I guess this is a dubbed song from the mid 90's)

- ao sikha dun, tumhe ande ka funda.. (usually while prepping for kids' school)

- 90 thousand red balloons (i dont even remember what is the original number in the actual song)

- lassi pissi o coo coo cola ( lol.. this is a dubbed song from chip and dale show. Again from the 90s. I am sensing a pattern here :)

- break my stride

I guess this list will come in handy when I finally go and see a therapist for complete and total insanity.

Which street?

 Hello! in the new year. I guess it still counts as new since this is the first entry.

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Something amazing happened today. V was quite excited to tell me about this song from a group called backstreet boys that he learnt at dance today. And he asked, "Mom do you know this song?". He looked so impressed when I was able to recall the entire song from memory right then and there. Lol, the kids these days don't know the pain(and the hidden joys) of waiting for your song on the radio, or MTV, with notepad in hand and noting down whatever lyrics you could understand. So anyway, we looked at the video together because the choreography on this song was quite nice. He was surprised again when I told him the song was older than youtube. 

I was labeled ancient once more and enjoyed every bit of it.

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Returned from the trip last night. Still under a bit of the daze. 

Buttons

Its funny how I never get down to write about the mundane things that have become the norm. Like blinkit, gpay and the likes. 

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Winters are keenu juice season. Frankly, it is one of my most favorite beverage. But only when I am not the one making it :)

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V is also super into chess now. He has been at it for about a year now. Plays blindfold and wins :| . He even got T interested in the game.. so yay

They are also playing cricket a lot these days. Some nights we all play together. They make me the kacchi poori 

What winters?

In the world of hyper targeted content flying towards us from every direction, the subtle loses out. 

Among other things, this has stifled the genesis of tangential thoughts and ideas in us. So less of butterfly effects and more of ramifications.. lol. I read somewhere that entertainment has ceased to be entertainment and is instead becoming tailored propaganda. It would be even more so with on the fly AI generated content soon to hit our screens. 

It feels like I am lamenting a bit too much these days.

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Last months was so so busy - social engagements wise. And the new year season is approaching, so more to come...wooh

In other news I wish to be off shopping for a while now. Well at least for the next two months. Fingers crossed. 

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I was able to propagate 7 bougainvillea. So yay :)

Seasons greetings

T made yet another attempt at growing tomatoes a couple of months ago. Obviously he planted the seeds and promptly forgot to tend to the saplings, a job that fell upon me :). 

So, a couple of strong looking saplings grew well and tall, grew flowers and then started an aphid farm on their person :p. All my attempts to get rid of the aphids were dud and i tried everything possible that does not involve pesticides, because of course I wanted organic tomatoes. So long story short, one day i had to get rid of the plants altogether. No tomatoes grew.

Now, last week I spotted a bunch of random tomato plants, growing on a heap of stones, with nobody to tend to them. And they have such nice strong tomatoes growing. I hate them now.

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Diwali went great. It was fun to burst some crackers after such a long time. V actually enjoyed them a lot. Next year we'll def do more :)

Playing catch up with words

A while ago I read this quote - "... I will love you as misfortune loves orphans, as fire loves innocence and as justice loves to sit and watch while everything goes wrong. I will love you as a battlefield loves young men ..."

The quote is from Lemony Snickets.. In its entirety it is perfectly suited to the dark themed kids book. but this particular excerpt, it sounds... vector. It perfectly describes the sheer intensity as well as the underlying sinister energy. See.. magnitude and direction. 

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Poem recommendation - I Still Forget We’re Not Even Friends

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"You are a language I am no longer fluent in but still remember how to read" - Ashe Vernon

Catching lines

I am currently in the reading room of the place we are staying at. I can see outside as the sun sets. I can see a hundred boats if not more. 

 

As the sun sets and darkness comes, the boats are turning their lights on one by one. By now they  resemble a hundred gems shimmering on the wavering carpet of the sea. 

I feel content reading this wonderful book in here. Savoring every minute of it.

Say Butter

I managed to finish "butter" a while ago. It was a difficult read in many ways. One - it had been quite a while since I had actually read something serious and hard hitting without any hint of humor. Second, the story itself is so wonderfully twisted. Its one of those book where characters are written realistically, not in a clean cut way with clear motives, wants and preferences. Her people are muddy, they get confused, they forget, they lie, hide things and occasionally admit their weaknesses to themselves and others, even when they don't want to. 

I loved the book. Also, I was wrong when i said the book was devoid of any humor. The humor lies in the title itself. 

So, what reminded me of Butter today is a scene where the protagonist(ish) accepts that she has no control over the perceptions of her friends about her other friends (does this sentence make sense?). And she gives up, she allows herself to be removed from the scene when she wants to. I am sure I felt a pang of jealousy when I read that. Even if I go away, I cannot stop worrying. 

Of trees and lemongrass

A quote I came across a while ago:

Sometimes, if you’re lucky, there will be a tree outside your bedroom window. It is very important to romanticize this tree as much as possible.

Oh dear God, how this quote resonated with me. The Ashoka tree outside my window was one of my closest friends in high school. I felt comfortable sharing my worries about the board exams with it. And I knew it understood because it bloomed right around the exams, like wishing me good luck. I miss that tree.

I am sure the trees outside my window now are undoubtedly also equally handsome and good looking. But I am not able to relate to them as readily as I could back then. The same is also true with people. It used to be so easy to make friends with people you saw everyday. Some of those friendships are even alive today. But now, it is becoming harder and harder to really open up to new people. Maybe I am getting old and set in my ways. Maybe the world is changing and everyone is becoming warier, less inclined to connect to real people. Maybe we are getting our need for human connections fulfilled somewhere else- digitally. So obviously, it is not going so well for humanity. 

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The nest has been reused by another bird couple, they are a different species. I couldn't really identify it. But it is some kind of weaver bird. They took out blades of our lemongrass and tore bamboo leaves into thin string like pieces.. used them to weave a cave like dwelling. In the morning you can hear the hatchlings shouting.. :)

Parenting is a boiled egg

One thing that is becoming painstakingly clearer with every passing day is that as a parent, we have to let our kids make mistakes...at least some. I am picking my battles here.

Being a parent is hard. And mostly annoying as hell. I am dreading their teenage years :|

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There are a couple of pieces I have been meaning to paint for the last few days. I have been putting off starting the project because it looks a bit tricky and I am scared to get it wrong. But then, my vangoghthelife sent me a simple canvas by him. Sure it has his tell-tale strokes, an interesting perspective, and well executed colour scheme... but it is not very technical and yet manages to look so appealing. Well, there must be some genius hidden in it because managed to make me want to pick up the brushes.. I hope this "want" turns into a "done".

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P.S. We have a red vented bulbul nesting in our aparajita vine.