“overwhelmed” The stupid
word itself scares me. Even pronouncing it is difficult. I don’t like when my
mouth makes the “whelm” sound. I don’t like it.
Now technically I don’t
have anything to complain about. Things are as good as they can get. Bu
sometimes, just sometimes, I realize I am having troubles getting myself
together. Like I am running and not getting anywhere. Why am I doing what I am
doing? Did I want this?
I guess all I
wanted was for us to be able to sip some nice tea quietly while admiring the view from
our balcony. Now the tea is not the problem. Tea is fine, there are a variety of
teas to choose from. And I like all of them. Its just the “our balcony” part
which has got us in this stupid vicious circle. On one hand, we take pride in
the fact that we can do this. But then, it’s easy to plan. Planning does not
stop us from doing anything. It’s only greed which makes it all so difficult. Greed
of making this whole process of having to live like hermits a little shorter. Its
like the diagram shown below:
However, the
overwhelming is not the result of this stupid circus. I just need some time for
myself. To sort myself out. Having to do absolutely nothing for a while. And
no, an evening off or a weekend off will not do it. And I have no clue what
will.
