“overwhelmed” The stupid word itself scares me. Even pronouncing it is difficult. I don’t like when my mouth makes the “whelm” sound. I don’t like it.
Now technically I don’t have anything to complain about. Things are as good as they can get. Bu sometimes, just sometimes, I realize I am having troubles getting myself together. Like I am running and not getting anywhere. Why am I doing what I am doing? Did I want this?
I guess all I wanted was for us to be able to sip some nice tea quietly while admiring the view from our balcony. Now the tea is not the problem. Tea is fine, there are a variety of teas to choose from. And I like all of them. Its just the “our balcony” part which has got us in this stupid vicious circle. On one hand, we take pride in the fact that we can do this. But then, it’s easy to plan. Planning does not stop us from doing anything. It’s only greed which makes it all so difficult. Greed of making this whole process of having to live like hermits a little shorter. Its like the diagram shown below:
However, the overwhelming is not the result of this stupid circus. I just need some time for myself. To sort myself out. Having to do absolutely nothing for a while. And no, an evening off or a weekend off will not do it. And I have no clue what will.