Monday, March 16, 2015

A Creationist Evolution

There is an age long debate (since Darvin I mean) between proponents of Evolution (boring scientists who have devoted a sizable chunk of their lives immersed in research studies) and Creationists (mostly people appalled at scientific “theories” based on facts and logic). From what I could gather, the two teams feel that both their ideas are mutually exclusive with no room for overlap. And that is something I don’t understand. As I see it, evolution is the proof that God exists. Here are some of the scenarios that could have happened:
a)      God created the universe (or “our” universe in the multiverse system) as his high school’s summer project. Being a “teenager”, He was very busy partying and enjoying the summer and started working on the project a little late, only about a few trillion years before the submission date. By the time He eventually started working on Earth, the project was already past its due date. Understandably, He didn’t have enough time to make everything Himself. So he just put Earth on “autopilot”, which is to say that he arranged for all the right ingredients and kick started the system so that “Evolution” would do the rest. Then He promptly went back to party with His friends.
b)      As God started working on the Earth project He got called away by His wife who wanted Him to work on another project for Her. Now He didn’t want to face Her wrath and couldn’t say no. Eventually the still unfinished and abandoned “Earth Project” caught “mold” – starting with green slimy stuff, small wriggly worms and eventually crawly insects walking on two legs who infested the entire project and tended to turn everything to scum.
c)      God planned the Earth Project as a part of his large real estate empire The Multiverse. Now He had a lot of things to handle and couldn’t be bothered with every little detail. So He delegated the Earth Project to his junior manager who in turn delegated it to one of the interns and assigned her a project lead. Understandably, the intern had absolutely no work experience and the project lead had absolutely no interest in the project. But she hoped to impress her bosses so she started on the project from day one. She did what she could but it was never good enough for her bosses who kept asking her to change little details at every standup meeting. He kept giving her offhand instructions like, “Make the wriggly creatures get out of the water and live on land”. “But why, they are perfectly happy in the water?”, she would say. “Just do what you are asked to do. Remember that you are just an intern”. And she did what she was sked to do.

She had begun with a simple beautiful plan involving simple self-sufficient creatures, but by the time the project ended it had transformed into a monstrosity due to her boss’ numerous modifications. After her internship ended, she eventually got a job offer but declined it and opened her own little cupcake shop right across the street.

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