Logs

The past two weeks were eventful. Meeting all those people after a decade (!) and yet it felt like literally nothing had changed. Maybe all of us experienced a time warp the moment we set foot in the familiar grounds. It was awesome. More so because I fit in that dress (lol). There was also the expected shock of finding strangers treating our place like their own and not realizing the history behind the legendary spots. (they were neither aware of dome nor chhakka wing !!!!)

Anyways.
----------------

The summit was great. All those women, all that force, all that grace and inadvertently - all that faff. Seems like there is no escaping from it. Maybe that's what doing business is all about.

-----------------

We have too many clothes ! More than enough to clothe two families. And I dont where to put it or what to do about it.

-----------------

Sauteing with garlic and boiling greens works wonderfully. Just add loads of water and an egg and you have a healthy filling soup.

-----------------

T tests my patience. Too much. He is just different. Being a parent is that hardest thing I have ever had to do. Rewarding, no doubt. But HARD.

-----------------

I fantasize about moving away from our urban lives. Somewhere where there are less buildings, less people, less technology. Maybe there aren't any more of those places. maybe I am just fantasizing about past. Thinking about what the future has in store for human kind makes me even more anxious. What is humankind headed towards.

-----------------

Being calm. Having inner peace. Being able to control my thoughts.

I am thinking of slugs for some reason

With the 10th Alumni meet lining up, I have found myself thinking increasingly about my (last) Alma mater. 

I realize (now) that the best takeaway any education can provide is not really knowledge/ facts/ figures, but the change in though process which somehow (hopefully) translates into real practical wisdom.

I dont know how much I could imbibe though :p

------

Word of the day: 

Philosophy : Literally, love of wisdom. 

------

Doesn't wisdom hold different meaning for different people. Same for answers to easy sounding but really profound questions like - "What construes a good life ?", "what is success?" and "What defines a good human being?".

------

A concept that I recently came across was "ergodicity". This blog post by  the legendary Naseem Taleb explains this concept in the context of financial risk taking behavior while making investments. A good article elucidates the concept in simple enough terms to make a noob like myself understand it (somewhat!!).

To good reads

I have been reading (of and on) this wonderful book - The Power of Habit by Charles Duhigg. Absolutely wonderful read.

-------

The most bizarre thing has happened. Somehow 3 pairs of my shoes broke within the past 15 days. This weird spurt in frequency is inexplicable.
--------

The recent trip was awesome. It ticked all the boxes to qualify for a perfect vacation. Super fun.

--------

I have been noticing certain instances(?)/ peculiarities in my work behavior. And the stark difference of it from my everyday-normal self. Do we really take on a different personality at work? Is it good or is it bad? I think I should keep a journal and record. A good analysis requires decent amount of data.

--------

I guess I have been a little successful in making good changes in my online/ mobile habits. Have managed to increase the amount of reading and other offline productive activities.

For Diwali, I refurbished the little home temple we have had since the past 10 years. I still remember buying it (:)). The experience was really good. And contrary to my fears, the boys did not cause any problems with the whole project. On the whole, they were quite supportive. makes me wonder i i could start taking up more projects.

--------

With the oncoming winter season, the wonderful spread of vegetables have started in. This year, it is my goal to try at least one new kind of vegetable and one new kind of saag. Lets see.

The tortoise, hare, fox and hedgehog. And everyone else.

Now and then there is a conversation so deep and meaningful that it stays with you long after. Now and then you catch yourself thinking and mulling over it.  I like such conversations… Even when I am only listening to two individuals talk, as long as the talk is civil, intelligent, deep and has an element of fun. They give me space and opportunity to think about things from a distance. After two of such conversations, I thought and found that I could understand myself better when I classify myself circumstantially – sometimes tortoise and mostly hare, mostly fox and seldom hedgehog.

-------

There are things I don’t want to think about, rabbitholes I am too scared to enter. One of them is “meaning of life”, my own life. What is my purpose? Is it possible (or even preferable) to break from my biological dispositions and succumb to making my own individual being as the pivot of all major life decisions? Do I have any free will or is it just an illusion and we are all pre-programmed and pre-destined to play our parts in the story of life? Has this story gone off script and we are all still scurrying towards doom, too blinded by our primitive and tribal instincts to even see it?

Quote for the day

“We choose our joys and sorrows long before we experience them.” 

― Kahlil Gibran

5 Things

My daily dose of calm (through the ever humble google assistant) suggested today to list down 5 things I am grateful for.

This is a difficult task. Reason one being that I didn't know where to begin. And reason two, because once I started, I didn't know when to stop :|. Of course I am infinitely grateful to God for my family and everything related to it. People, our health, abilities and attitude, faith, home and belongings, jobs, places... and you know everything.  So today I am only going to list the external factors.

So here's the list:

1. Modern medicine
2. Technology
3. Human instincts. The positive ones, and some of the grey ones.
4. The night sky on a moonless night
5. The smell of morning, in a non-polluted green place
6. Trees that blossom in summers
7. Art and music
8. Books
9. Food. The mind boggling wide varieties of dishes around the world. And the fact that I can have anything I want right here.
10. The fact that most of us have living conditions which would have been unimaginable even for royalty just 100 years ago. So yeah, I am grateful for indoor plumbing.

well one can go on and on.

Nuggets of Summer

Now that T's school schedule has changed K and I have like an entire hour to ourselves ... kidsfree !!!! . It feels like winning the lottery everyday :).

I kid you not, we(and I am sure a lot of you) are so engrossed in just getting through our day-to-day activities all the time that it is really easy to forget why are doing that in the first place.

--------------------------

Just the other day, a newly married couple at my work (yeah couple. married. at work. ) had their wedding party (party. at work. :D. its ok. We are HR. Who is going to tell us off..lol). And the conversation somehow turned funny where each one of us had to give one tiny marriage advice to the couple. Needless to say, it was weird and cringy and hopelessly hilarious. Lots of to-dos and not-to-dos. I felt sorry for the couple.

--------------------------

I am on a podcast spree again. And since Dr. Cox isnt coming out with any new ones (please do.. pretty please.), I had to explore some unfamiliar ones. Turns out, there is a ton of great content being created by the good people at NPR, BBC and the lot. I just want to take a moment and thank them, in fact I would like to thank all those people whose creations I have enjoyed. I understand it must take a lot of effort to create quality content and not digress into mediocrity.

--------------------------

Books I read in the past month/ am reading:

* Life's Amazing secrets by Gaur Gopal Das (I like the simplicity of the language of this book. You can almost hear him speaking)
* Rain In The Mountains: Notes From Himalayas - Ruskin Bond (Any book/excerpt by him is enough to transpose me in the mountains. His words are magic. God bless him )
* The murder on the links - Agatha Christie ( yup. I still read her works)
* Sapiens

----------------------------

We had mother's day celebration at V's school this weekend. And T's PTM. It was a delight. Touchwood :)

V's growing up so fast. But every now and then, he gives us a glimpse of his toddlehood. I so desperately want to hold on to these moments... knowing well that the boys are growing up and in a hurry to do so. Not too long ago, he used to say- matun (mountain), soom (spoon), chrocket (chocolate). Now he teases us with these pronunciations. They still say 'aeloprane' :D

---------------------------

:)

Wishes

Sorry for the break. I was obliged to divert my attention elsewhere. But now that I am done with that, I might feel no guilt in writing again. Hopefully I will manage to be a bit more regular.

Writing makes me feel so self aware about everything. As long as I am not penning it down, I dont have to face my decisions. It happens with everyone I suppose. We only evaluate our actions and lives when we talk to someone about it. It might very well be a conversation with yourself. I have also found myself lying to myself. More often than i would like to admit. But that is a different tangent altogether.

Lately my work has required me to write about stuff. Things that were practiced since long. Its only when I started putting it down on paper did the gaps in the process become evident. Its a tiresome job. But it has also made me more prone to evaluating everything. 

Truth and lies, right and wrong, good and evil, these are all evaluations. These evaluations are based on circumstances. And circumstances change. However, most of us, do not change our believes. And we feel right in doing so. Upto a certain extent it is also a desirable attribute in human being. We would be shallow without strong believes. In the same time, rigidness and failure to see the merits in opposition is a gross weakness. My wish for this year is to be able to strike a balance between these two.

My wish number two is to be able to be 'disagreeable' at work. I am done with being nice all the time.

Bye bye summer.. please

It has been quite a long hiatus. So much has happened :)

It has been hot, hectic, harrowing and yet utterly rewarding experience. They say change is good. IT has been good so far. In fact, now I have come to the conclusion that people should move just to get rid of unwanted stuff. keep moving to stay lean - works on all levels :D
------
The calendar on my desk tells me that the Indian palm Squirrel is call "Funabulus Palmarum" which (i guess) literally implies that squirrels are funny walking creatures. Wow. Who says scientists are dull?

------
I have to struggle a bit to keep up with the studies. The hardest part is taking out time. I dont like the idea of giving up having fun. Now that would be dull.

Semul

One of the topmost trees in my list of favorites is the humble semul/simmar/semal.

At home in arid dusty landscapes, it thrives in hellholes like Gurgaon as well. And I am very grateful for that I must add. Its vibrant red flowers mark the end of winters. Around this time, the trees totally lack any foliage but are full of fleshy flowers. In fact, I recall that we used to have a semul tree above our classroom in Nazira. And in April, the floor used to be full of freshly fallen as well as half rotten flowers. And yes, the nearby village was called semulguri. We could take a boat to cross the river and go vegetable shopping there. Sounds fantastic and it was.

:)

Of ancient songs

I love vacations. Well who doesnt :P

Unlike K, I prefer mountains to beaches. We have been on short trips on the Himalayan range a handful of times. And although I enjoyed every moment of our time there, I was always glad to back in the plains. Always. Having said that, I just want to tell that I am very thankful to the Himalayan range. Please dont get angry I dont feel at home on you (:P). I guess, its because I belong in your shadows.

Well, I dont feel so anxious on the Aravalis though. In a way I am intimidated by them. They somehow manage to hold their regalia despite being old and arid. They make me believe that I have been a part of them for a long time, longer than I can remember in this memory. The Aravalis are like an old person, very old and very wise. So old that time has given up on her and it doesnt matter how many eons pass, she is always going to be that old. So old that she has become a chronicle of time iteslf. Age has taught her to be forgiving of the pesky humans mining her flesh though ugly quarries. Age has also taught her that the best way to take care of life is to make it very hard to live in her care. And as a result, life is thriving and so is she. And together they sing songs where melodies mingle with dust and are carried far away and for a very long time. The Aravalis have so much to teach, so much to tell, if only we could listen.

Cultivate and Inculcate

You know what rocks? yeah granite and slate but also learning new things. And learning to use technology for actually improving your life.

So somebody initiated these cool things called podcasts. And bam! 10 years later, I finally started to listen to those. And audiobooks. Those rock too. Needless to say I am cooking way too often these days. :)
-----------------
Speaking of rocks, the other week we (I) finally settled on the stone for kitchen counters. They are grey with black specks on them.
-----------------
I have five plants on my office desk now.

Studying again

The neighbourhood park has some very lively tangerine trees. Over the years these have become my favorite. And the kids' too. These trees are always laden with fruit. And I mean ALWAYS. Literally hundreds of them.

But today morning, there was something new. The trees had blossoms. And they smell lovely. While walking past them I thought I caught a whiff of something I faintly recognized but couldn't place. On my way back, I stopped to smell them. (must have looked like a dork - a grown woman smelling trees) And I realized, they smell faintly like jasmine(mogra). Lovely.

----------------------

Some homes feel like vacations. At least on pinterest. I wonder if the people living in them are aware of this.

My idea of a vacation comprises the tropics, bougainvillea, big troughs of frangipani floating on water, can furniture and afternoon. Not at all unattainable in a house. Only if we could move to the tropics.

----------------------

I am wearing a sort of flowy sweater/jacket thing today. i feel like batman. :)

----------------------

Little T gave me a compliment today. He said, "Mommy, I love your petu. Its so soft and squishy". I said thank you. And I was. 

----------------------

I realize I should start studying seriously now. They say realization is the first step. Well I am glad to have a start of any kind.

Random

I like listening to music while I cook. Not that I cook so very often, but when I do, it sounds very good :P

My usual favorites are classics of course. But recently, I stumbled upon some old favorites of ours. And so Savage Garden is the flavor of the month. Nostalgia.. The funny thing is, although I havent really heard these songs for more than a decade, but I found (to my delight) that I was able to sing along those songs. ooh I want you, I dont know if I need you.... :)

----------

Ksh and I have started a self-help group. There are only two people in the group. We stop each other from losing our sh*t at the kids. I must say it is working pretty well. And we have the added delight of having a new common hobby.

-----------

We are also neck deep in getting things finished for the house. I love crawling through the web to find something for the new place. Ksh likes to see the pinterest stuff I show him and somehow thinks I am going to be able to replicate it. :O

-----------

I want to try my hand at woodwork. Like work with really professional tools. I want to become a furniture maker.

Birthday rants

Saw a parrot in flight today. It kind of looked like a swift while flying, a very pretty green swift. magnificent 

------------

"We are, each of us, a product of the stories we tell ourselves" - Derren Brown, Happy

I came across this book by chance. Bought it on a whim and started it in the middle of another one(The Pilgrimage by Coelho. I need more conviction to finish it though). And I have been so surprised. Its a wonderful read. More wisdom than I could handle at one go. So what happens it that I read a passage, marvel it for a while and then realize that I have to re-read it. And marvel it some more. It is a pleasure.

------------

I also turn 34 today. Thats a big number. And with age, I am surprised to find myself turning more and more "right-wing" and agreeing with people like Jordan Peterson. I am also scared that the world(at least the first / western world and by the virtue of being blind followers - the educated class of my own humble third world country) is inching towards becoming utterly useless. 

-----------

Another bit of wisdom that I garnered is that I have to be more patient. And by Gods grace, my kids have an incredible ability to teach me patience.

Days to remember

Memories are fickle. They form and then fade, sometimes get distorted and tend to reshape themselves in a simpler manner loosing some of their flavor along the way and picking some false ones with time. Usually it doesn't matter much as long as its a happy memory. But sometimes you want to remember times exactly as they play out. These are such times. The other day K and I realized that although we are rushed all the time, these may be our halcyon days. No major worries, kids in the sweet age where they don't have acad pressure yet.

So apart from the others, here are some silly things I really want to remember:

- Little V learning to speak. His vocabulary expands every minute. Current favorites - more, big, eat, bus, truck, baby and of course NO

- T turning into a little boy from being my baby and so eager to grow up. He is obsessed with farts and keeps a daily count. Also, he takes pleasure in announcing whenever there is a count++ event

- Their favorite "hide and seek" games. V calls it the game of "paaiise". I kind of feel sorry for the family living in the flat below us.

- The way V asks me to play with him the moment he realizes that I am getting ready for work. 

- Night time story sessions. I suspect K enjoys them more than the kids.

I know that soon the kids will have friends of their own, they might not want to play with us anymore. But till that time comes...

For us

This year we had a long long new year's party. The kind you never want to end. But it has to so that there are justifiable reasons to have more parties. And so this one is coming to an end. 

It was one to remember :)

So here is to a very happy and successful year full of joys (big and small), and laughter and genuine smiles. May God bless us with good health and happy times. And faith.

Cheers

Tis the season...

Picnics are fun. Running around, gathering wild lemons, digging, collecting stones, and me – eating all the time. But as it happens, when we have a good time, we tend to make a mess. In fact, I believe it is not possible to be organized and have fun at the same time. Just incomprehensible. So inevitably, at the end, when it is time to leave, we have to clean up. Everything goes back to its place, toys back, garbage in the bin, mats folded & hats back on heads. Everything is organized just to be scattered again.

It’s the same (kind of) with end of the year. Come December and somehow I feel compelled to sort and wrap up everything. Just to be taken out and scattered in the coming year. And had fun with. You know, having fun requires one to make a mess.

Family is here. And it feels every bit like I supposed it would. Noisy bliss I call it. And it’s the best kind of bliss.

Touchwood.

My Precious

The other day, little T found two ball bearings that in the school play-ground. That day when I went to pick him up from school, he was so visibly excited to see me. He said (perfectly mimicking my tone I must add), “Mommy, I have a surprise for you.”

Then he added, “I found two beautiful today. So I got them for your necklace.” J

Those little shiny ball bearings are the best gifts I have ever received.

Proud mommy moment. 

A garden runs wild

So we made a short weekend navratri trip to Ahmedabad. Awesome weather. Great atmosphere.
We managed to tick all the entries from our must-do list and then some.

One of the things I never had imagined I would do was to pluck a ripe "mousambi" and eat it right there by the tree. Yup.

It was amazing.

----